The Insomnia

I was supposed to write this on my new phone at 3:30 am, but since this is a fancy text box, my phone couldn't read this area.

I couldn't fall asleep until around 4 am the other day. I have too many things on my mind. My biggest problem here is that my issue is so huge that I can't even talk about it on here, just in case someone reads this and figures it out. I can't have others making assumptions when even I don't quite understand. I just wish I had more information and I am so completely unavailable that I can't even hope to get a small peep.

And so I am in a state of not knowing. Stuck. No information. No way to get any. Dissecting small clues. One minute I think I know, then the next I am completely blown off. And my window is closing.

Soon, I have school and band will start and my friends will be around and no more investigating for me.

I wish I was back at school though. More peaceful and I need to exercise. My mom has vacation this week so it's nice to get to spend some time with her. Tomorrow we are going shopping and such.

I can't wait until I get my hair cut Thursday. Really, I need to come up with something. Short is the only adjective I have.

I slept for 4 hours earlier and I don't think I will have any trouble sleeping tonight. I am just so bored that I sleep to pass time.

This blog is my therapist.

The Random Posts

Seriously. I am all over the place.

WELL.... not much has changed. Drama comes and goes. Classes stayed the same though... lame.

Winter quarter was ok.

Spring break was sub-par. Not Matt's fault. And it wasn't because I didn't go to some fancy location. Senior year: Disney. College Frosh: Chicago. Sophomore: Washington and my mountains. Junior: dark bedroom alone for hours with no way of leaving. So I guess it wasn't as glamorous, but my problem was that I was lonely and I missed my family and my friends. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to be with Matt. But I wanted to feel refreshed, not like I had an extended weekend. This isn't Matt's fault. Though it was a little taxing that Matt would leave at 5am and come back at 5pm exhausted, when I had cabin fever and when he arrived home I desperately wanted to get out and go somewhere with him. Wanted more time than a dinner, movie and bed. I woke up at noon normally. Yeah, I know, sloth. But if you couldn't do anything all day, why bother being conscious? Then off to bed at 8 or 9. It started to drive me nuts. The next time I will get to visit him is the summer. So 11 weeks. ish. He'll be here in roughly a week, so that's nice. For a 2 week break. Hmm... he can see Athens in spring. I love it here at this time.

I started drawing. Seto mostly. I did a rough one of Jou. Damn eyes are hard. Started practicing with hands.... sorta get it but not really. They just never look natural. I hoping that at some point I can make drawings of my favorite moments from the fanfics I read. I have a great scene already lined up.

I just realized that Ty (or Tai) from Digimon and Jou have similar hair. But I am seeing this in my mind, and have no clue in actuallity.

I wish my friends would stop having a divorced friendship. It's getting a little better between people but.... at least me, nancy, and morgan like everybody. We are the children being torn apart.

I need a date for fake semi-formal. I have someone to ask but....

I did all of my homework for like a week in advance. I'm that good.

I discovered the differences between crushes and love. It's huge.

Blush and giggle are telltale signs.

I shall employ the tactics I mentioned in last post. See what happens.

I am supposed to get drunk this quarter. Thanks Ted.

The Future

I do not know how long 'twill be or what the future holds for me.

Btw, I have friends.

Btw, I'm a junior now.

Yay apartment, yay Boba.

I'm not sure why I have come here right now...

I've been thinking about next year in attempts to placate my nerves. Like, it worries me then I delude myself into thinking that it will be ok, and then I play in my imaginary future world.

I have SO many good ideas! Matt even liked them.

Now we just need the letters of recommendation.

A friend of mine confuses me. I may attempt to push my limits and see what happens, or maybe ignoring it is the right way to go. Once I did that, I was being sought out instead.

Someone will read this at some point. My future self will wonder what the hell I was talking about. HAH! See you in a couple more years.

I'm living too much in the moment right now to actually be able to record history. I like what's happening now and a few minutes ago doesn't matter much. Maybe I am living too much in the future. I don't have much to do but then I think, Oh! I'll do my homework that is due in several days....

yay for preemptive CAPA

Boba is sleeping and cute. Off to my mtg then. joy.

The Navy Man Got Older

i have tons of stuff to say but it is 4:21 am and i dont feel like typing it now.

Matt is 23

Happy birthday sweetie

I love you

I spent it going to formal with Carolyn. I stayed about 2 hours.

I miss you.

Good night

well it's probably good morning for you considering what time it is...

The Mountains

why did they take my mountains....?

i want them back now

please

:'-(

The Fall

I seriously just fell out of bed. And it kinda hurt. A lot.

See, there I was, climbing into bed, putting my pillow down by the foot propped up so I could surf and watch tv at the same time. Well, I am watching Palace Theater, (omg that dance sucked! jesus didn't anyone watch them before hand?? seriously, all us sitting down moved more than they did and we all might have done the dance better...) ok anyway, I needed my xbox controller and it was sitting on the floor and I figured I could sit in bed all bundled up and reach.

Nope. Face first baby.

It totally sucks going to dinner by yourself. I need to find the empty times. I guess I have it easy in the sense I just need to find one open spot... whatev

My room is freezing. All the time.

I talk to this because I used to talk Matt's ear off.

Now there is no ear.

It is still attached to Matt's head of course though.

I'm happy I have this and not a xanga. I don't know why.

Maybe I'll go read through some of my history. I'm pretty sure I have almost 4 years on here.

Of course I also rarely wrote in here for a very very long time. But I think I have back to the summer after my sophomore year. I'll have to go check.

apoifnhasp

exactly

I tried to go talk to someone but looks like I have to reschedule. sigh. i just hate putting it off.

my grandpa is in the hospital.

god, like i like aquarius/let the sunshine in, but i dunno. it doesn't really have the kick that we need. the break is nice but kinda boring. I felt a lot different on the field. I thought coming back in after the break was huge. But on here it's kinda blah.

i wonder if i'll play ToT, ain't no other man, and hump da bump again next year. They are good songs. Real nice beat you can dance to. Love playing and listening to them!

I hope Poison becomes a standard. It could happen in my time. Maybe.

oo i might get to play crazy train. huzzah.

I talked to Matt today. He's getting checked out tomorrow morning. He sounds just fine, maybe just a little tired and bored. He said he's been sleeping a lot here lately to make sure he's ready to go and getting rest. He may call me tomorrow afternoon. That would make me happy :-)

I am mostly watching this because I like seeing Matt.

Sad I know.

I think the worst thing about him being gone was not knowing if he was ok. But now I know. I think it will all be alright. I mean I'm going to talk to him every(other) day or so, then he'll get put back into his class, but if what he was saying about most other classes getting some liberty is true, it's possible I may get to hear from him on weekends too. And eventually I may hear from him just a smidge more often. And and and i dunno. I feel ok now.

1 month from now I will be dying.

2 months I'll be out of school and going crazy as a 20 year old.

3 month I'll have seen him.

I worry. Maybe if he had graduated he might have had some summertime with me. Now with the two extra weeks I may have lost that time. That's not Matt's fault though. He's more disappointed than I am. But there's nothing he can do about it. This was not under his control at all.

At least it's not my fault.

And he doesn't have AIDS.

I have to meet with my FAR group tonight to watch a video. Another group has it two hours before us.

PREDICTION: We will show up at 9 and there will be no video or group anywhere to be found. So we reschedule. Huzzah.

I love looking up and seeing Matt's gorgeous face on my TV screen.

I may analyze my relationship with him later.

AKA OMG HE IS SO HOT AND I LOVES HIM!

maybe i should have been in TBS

sigh

The Phone Call

I received a phone call around 8:30 tonight. I thought, hm it might be Matt, but this is a monday night. I immediately checked the area code. Nebraska. Not him. They called a second time and then immediately after, (within a few seconds) my room phone rang. I assumed it was all the same person so I answered. Leah needed to come over and use my Evo book. I sorta assumed that it was her calling my cell. There was a voicemail but I didn't check it. About an hour later my mom had called and then that number beeped in. I realized, oh yeah, I suppose it wasn't Leah and kept talking to my mom. I checked the voicemail.

It was Matt and I cried.

He needed me and I didn't answer.

I don't know why.

I can't stop beating myself up over this. I even had a talk with myself yesterday after Matt's dad called that from now on I need to always answer. But I was hesitant. And I checked the area code to put me at ease. And it did.

And now i can't stop crying.

I talked to my dad a little. he yelled at me for crying. he said that i can't cry when Matt calls tomorrow.

I just feel so horrible knowing that Matt is out there and he needed me and wanted to talk to me and misses me and just wanted to hear my voice as much as I desperately need to hear his and I wasn't there for him. He's having a rough time right now and I wasn't there. He's alone now. I can't make him feel better. He just has to be alone. And I can't bear this.

I want my sweetie back. Now.

At least I can take comfort in knowing that he isn't feeling sad that he failed or anything. He did nothing wrong. If anything he feels horribly frustrated that this had to happen. But there wasn't anything that could be done. It just happens. And that can suck.

Add an additional 2 weeks.

Can I do it? No

Will I? Yes

Love him? More than life itself. And that's the truth. He's been my reason to live a lot of times.

The Sucky Weekend

My grandpa got caught in a backhoe and sliced himself up pretty bad. He was hanging upside down for about an hour or so by his leg until my greatuncle found him. My grandpa is back here now and needs a walker. He gets really confused and he talks about nothing to nobody essentially. My mom has had to spend this whole weekend taking care of him. My uncle was supposed to take him yesterday so my parents could spend some time with me. But he didn't. My mom and I went out for a little bit but she freaked out the whole time about getting back so there was no fun in going out.

She did buy me a mattress set and a frame. I don't know why. She's crazy. But I'm thankful. We went to BedBath&Beyond (yes i made that one word) (no i don't know why) and I got a cheapo vaccuum.

Kyle's here. I'll save this and start driving.

The Empty

I was trying to rip a piece of scotch tape and I ended up ripping my nail off. Not like off off, but this is the worst nail break I've ever had. There was blood. And it hurt. And it's my pointer so it's awkward having to type and write.

FAR 150 is lame.

I miss my mountains.

Apparently my grandpa got in an accident and rolled over some machinery and was hanging upside down for like an hour and a half. So tomorrow my mom and uncle are going to get him and essentially forcing him to live in a nursing home in morrow. that sucks.

i wish matt was here.

i love you sweetie.

I'm going home tomorrow and I'm taking kyle back too.

i can't feel anything right now. just very very empty.

Varsity Night: You'll only find more screaming girls at a Miley Cyrus concert.

The Hump Day

I had an O chem test this morning that once I studied for I felt awesome, then I took it so :-/

procrastinated on doing my evo, so I surfed for a while then went to Psy

I've continued listening to music while I walk and it is amazing!

Finished my evo discussion and then we got to sit outside for class so that was nice. My sister also sent my a hilarious voicemail so that was nice.

as I was walking back past shively some jerk threw a water balloon at me. Luckily it only got my foot and bottom of my jeans wet but I was still pissed since those are my new running shoes that I'm wearing in.

The fixed the shade. I tried to move it up a smidge and it went all the way up.... it works lol

Liz, my niece started txting me so that was cool. She's actually 7 months older than me.

I watched a bunch of band stuff again and I keep on wanting to dance so I played DDR. woot.

I have formal rush at 7.

bbs....

The Waiting Game

Matt was supposed to get a phone call Sunday night to his parents so he could give them info about him and how to reach him (address). And then his dad was going to e-mail it to me.

It is the end of Tuesday and nothing....

I may be going crazy.

I'll wait till tomorrow and maybe e-mail his dad. I've been compulsively checking waiting for something... but no.

it's not like it matters, I can't talk to him anyway, I just want the damn information so I feel better!!! YARGH

I had a Psy experiment today. It was weird. I didn't like having to go in and do it.

I got a 41/49 on the first Psy test. Not bad for barely studying. An 85 on the calc test. I should've done a lot better. That gives me a 90 in the class with the homework. Stupid easy mistakes on them. Bottom line: I have to actually study for these next ones.

I have an Ochem test tomorrow. I haven't studied. :-(

I miss Matt. I assume he got his haircut today. Teehee baldy. I found the website that gives the insiders look at OCS so I sorta can see what he should be experiencing when. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday should suck. I hope he knows that I'm still there with him. Giving him a big hug the whole time. And a kiss goodnight. I miss him.

I listened to Matt's mp3 player on the way to class today. OMG! I never listened to music while walking before and it was amazing how energized I felt. Maybe I should start listening to music when I wake up. It hardly fits any songs on it (although everything is wma cause I'm too lazy to change them all right now) but it's easy enough that I could change them day by day if I felt like it.

I've been listening to band music and watching videos all day today. I'm getting psyched for next season. I just have to be careful because the higher I am, the harder I'll fall. I need to go do what I need to do and then reassess how I feel afterwards. Something tells me a whole hell of a lot better, but still I need to be cautious. I'll at least get something out of it :-)

i should try and do that tomorrow.

i miss you sweetie. I know right now you're having to download 500 gb of info right now so I hope you are ok and I'm always thinking about you. I keep on thinking about all these things I want to tell you but... I dunno. I guess I have to think about what is really important. Practice, I suppose for my 50 word messages. Talk to you everyday to phone calls to letters to little telegrams.

I am proud of myself for one thing. I haven't gone around in a poor pitiful me mode. I have it good compared to Matt (well I kinda wish I had that sort of structured time schedule). I can go about my business, drive my car, drink pop, see my family. Of course he's not alone though. He'll find some of the best friends he'll ever know there. And I'm happy for him.

I love you so very much.

The Unknown

I find myself every few minutes thinking "oh I should tell matt that!" and then reality sets in. So my big thing is that I don't know what to say and what not to.

I guess this blog should be useful for putting everything down then when I get to talk to him I could either pick and choose or just do what I did when I was saying goodbye which was "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. etc" I guess I wanted to make sure he heard it enough to last him a little while.

RotJ is on SpikeTV so YAY!!!!!! Artoo flailed. FLAIL!!! Pretty soon BAMF Lukey will show up. Cause no one else seems to be able to do anything. Wait for it...... Han meets Chewie in the cell. Wait for it.... A Jedi Knight? Wait for it...... LUKEY!!!!!! AHHHHH

He's such a BAMF. get outta da way stupid gammoreans... I must speak with Jabba..... You will take me to Jabba now....

the first and practically only time that ever worked for Luke for a very long time. Bib Fortuna is a noob. Even Leia says "That trick never works for you!!!" in courtship. Poor Lukey. But he turns into a BAMF. He just needs to get Emo for a while.

you know when Luke falls in the pit he is like 3 inches from Leia. She could have just grabbed his hand or whatever and pulled him out. But NOOO. She is a sucky sister and I hate her.

Now Luke is like "Oh Shit"

rancors suck. I hate fighting them in my Jedi Academy games. Scares me half to death.

Luke threw the skull with his left hand.... is he left handed??????

Ok this can't be a commentary.

I had a weird dream this morning. Matt and I decided to go back to Washington but we weren't telling anyone. I was packing all my stuff up and bringing lots of cold weather clothes. We were running away. Maybe that's what I wish I could do.

I had thought that since I was sad Matt was leaving, my mom would be all nice and hang out with me. No. She threw a fit again about grades and jobs. I cried and she yelled more. This is the time I wish I had Matt the most. He comforted me when my mom does this. He let me know that this was all ok and we would be ok. She started freaking out over the apartment.

I just don't know anymore...

Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Where?

I can't wait till I get my Boba.

I got a 10/10 on my ochem hw. The quiz today was a little rough though.

I got a 41/50 on psy, but I didnt see what the high score was. And I barely studied. and I should have.

calc i dunno yet...

I am so tired right now... I'll save this and lay down for a bit

ok back. i didn't lay down.

i got my new queen of the damned and phantom of the opera cd. totally awesome. and i worked with matt's mp3 player and reorganized it after backing up the songs.

kyle stopped by for a while. it was nice having some company.

i dunno. i had more but i dunno.

The First Day

there is this absolutely hilarious family guy on

peter goes off to find his real father in ireland after his one he thought was real dies

and there's this one part where his dead father (the one who raised him) goes back in ghost form and tell him he's a drunken bastard or whatever and then ghost yoda and obi-wan are there agreeing then ghost anakin comes up and is like "Hi! I'm hayden christiansen!"

funny ha ha!

yeah. and then stewie is into physical abuse or whatever. funny ha ha

matt officially was cut off this morning. i talked to him one last time before he went in. i miss him.

my mom came into town today so that i would have some company. We went all over the place. Grabbed some food at casa lopez, examined stuff at lowes, stopped by the pet store and my mom actually wouldn't stop playing with the ferrets. it was funny. then we went to walmart and my mom bought me a sunglass case, a cheap can opener and a small band to put on my sunglasses so they don't fall off when i march.... my mom on the other hand bought half the stuff to redecorate the bathroom and bunch of other and so i think she is interested. We were wanting to find stationary at walmart but they just had creepy hot pink crap, so we went to the hallmark store.

she bought tons more crap but i got some nice stationary that should last me a little while. and some stamps. but yeah. and we stopped by my dorm for a while.

which btw, my mom had a birthday on friday and her former-sister-in-law made her a cake which her daughter brought to school and i was all like ooo save me a piece. then my mom showed up here with the whole cake. it's just a tiny one but still.... the whole cake. so i felt a little sad about taking her cake but she didn't seem to care.

then we went to applebees. i downed the whole meal plus a milkshake in like two seconds. matt always eats the whipped cream first so i did that too.

his watch i stole is so loud sometimes, but i keep it near me anyway.

he gave me two shirts. one is his so-old-it-hurt-98-high-school-lcnz 2 3l-band shirt. and then he gave me his charming-introduce-to-the-parents-and-wear-at-fine-dining-nuclear-explosion shirt. i wore it today safely under my olympic national park hoodie.

i never capitalize. it's not that i don't do it because i'm stupid, i just don't feel like it sometimes when i type. at least i know when to.

at least i don't type in 12 year old txt/chat lingo with the u r y 2 4 whatever.

do people even chat online anymore? or is it all txt? course i never get on aim anyway. i don't know who i'd talk to. i always used to be so i could talk to matt, but since i always saw him i never had a reason to. now he can't get online so i still don't have a reason.

i really miss matt's xanga. it got me through a lot of hard times. well i thought they were hard. flash forward to now and it seems silly, but i really wanted to read those while he was gone. i still remember some pieces but it's not the same. it hurts.

and i miss him.

i have an ochem quiz tomorrow. i'm going to get up earlier and study some more. cause i didn't do much...

tonight had to be hard being the first night. he was supposed to have called his parents and left them information. and they were supposed to forward it to me.

it's past midnight now and still nothing. hopefully i'll have something tomorrow.

i love you sweetie. good night 13 hours away and sweet dreams of 13 hours closer.

The New Crap

So, I will have to actually resurrect this place. It will be needed.

I changed my pic to me and Matt. We always talked about getting professional pictures done, and they all turned out nice. Sure, they could be engagement pictures I suppose.

Which btw, I am engaged. To get married. In like 3 years. Woot.

On the plus side I will get plenty of time to reserve places and crap before all the other bridezillas.

Of course I won't be one because honestly I don't care that much about it. I just want to look pretty, have a nice reception, and a nice piece of cake. That's it. And a sexy man in a uniform.

Matt is leaving Saturday for OCS. He will be gone for 12 weeks. So this is April. I will see him again in July.

Which, if it works out like this, he will graduate on the 4th of July (so patriotic!) but since it is a national holiday I don't know if they will move it to the next day or whatever, I dunno. They're the military; it could go either way.

12 weeks is going to suck. Maybe this, my journal, and my constant letters will help me through it, I dunno. The letters are for making him happy and telling him how much I love him. This blog is for straight reporting. My journal is for my dark times of life sucking and bad grades and potential massacres. I'm going to be talking to him 3 different ways, he'll just only hear a third of the conversation and he's welcome to hear it all when he gets back.

He told me something disturbing though.

His dad is spending miles to fly me, Matt's parents and his grandfather to the graduation. I was wanting to say not to get me a ticket back because I'd like to stay with Matt for the insane drive home. But Matt told me that he may have orders to report somewhere that following Monday and we won't know until June. I don't think I could handle seeing him for just a few short hours and then having him ripped away again.... yeah sure, he'll be going to school then and so I will be able to talk to him a lot more often, but I dunno. It's hard to fathom.

I miss him right now. He's still here, just back home. I'll see him Friday and he'll spend the day with me, then he will start driving at 7 am on Saturday and that's it.

... I dunno...

The Wisdom Teeth

are coming in just a few short hours.

with needles

i dont like needles...

blargh

The Recentness

Ok, so like last night I finally went to Red Brick. I thought it would be nice to get to know some people since I am not really the social type....

yeah I stayed like 5 minutes...

It felt so weird being there. I wan't having fun. I just felt uncomfortable. I mean, I thought I wouldn't act like this. I'm afraid that people will think that I am no fun. Maybe I'm not... I don't really plan on drinking anyway, and I don't mind if others do. I guess just having those two groups mixed doesn't work. I dunno. But I wanted to leave. So we left.

sigh

Matt was being a mean Navy man the other day, so I got engaged to Clinton. I was trying to joke around that I wanted to file for spousal abuse because Matt gave me bruises (don't ask lol) and then I said we should elope, and then he got all practical, and then he got serious saying that all the Navy people he talked to said that they should wait for marriage until about 2 years into his first tour. So Matt is now the mean Navy man. And I need a guy who will actually be around and not out for 10 weeks (hopefully, compared to 6 months). So yeah.

Mean Navy Man Mammy

notice how i did not mention the random moment and the slumber parties

ha

I like this show.

and then next week we leave at 6 am to go to Illinois on Friday.... woot!

which also means that jackets should be done by then

cause it is freaking freezing outside

the end

i am in love!

Addition

you know what also sucks?

I had an amazing morning

and then i had to go screw it all up

Why

Why I don't deserve him:

I cry a lot
I stall all the time
I'm too clingy
I get upset at the simplest things
Sometimes I get upset and have no reason to be
I can't stand him leaving
I don't want to share
I get angry
I make him feel bad
I don't give him any personal space
I'm jealous of everything, even the air he breathes
I'm no good for him
He could do so much better
Someone who would care for him and what all he does.
Someone who doesn't mind spending 24 hours away from him
It doesn't make sense.
80% of this total relationship has been me not seeing him. He's at school or at camp.
Why can't I do it anymore?
That's why I don't deserve him, I can't even think of his needs anymore.

Why I act like this:

My personality
Navy
Can't stand to have him leave....ever....
I love him too much to let him go
I constantly second guess myself
I know he loves me
but I'm afraid he doesn't anymore
I'm so afraid to lose him
that i'll screw up and he'll be gone for good

i feel like i want to see him more than he wants to see me

does he miss me?

I have no clue

Yeah I really feel like I don't have much to talk about.

Like tons of things have happened.....but I'm just so tired.

Hmmm....

Our first game was uber sweet. We won! yay! And I kicked pregame's booty. Heck yes....

oooo and I passed out earlier at practice that day

cause our hats don't have straps and if they fall off we have to mark 4 sets each, so I tightened my hat a little too much and it cut off circulation to the top of my head and I passed out cause I was afraid to take it off without asking someone first......yeah Dr. Suk won't stop making fun of me for it lol

hmmm

and then we went to Browns game which was pretty cool except I don't like the Browns and the Bengals were playing that day so i was unhappy I was missing it. yeah. but we got a pretty good reaction from the crowd.

but let's start that day with the night before.

so it's a saturday night and the weekends are the only time I get to see Matt much. And so we pack all our stuff in his car the night before and then set the alarm for 5 am (i hate early mornings)

well suddenly I wake up in the middle of the night and ask him what time it is. he doesn't know, so it took him a second to register this and he got up and found his cell phone.....it was 5:48.....yeah the bus was leaving at 6. So we got up and dressed at uber speed and made it there on time....yay! the alarm didn't go off because he set it, but didn't turn it ON. yay! but I saved us! woot woot!

good story kids.

yeah. and this weekend we have defiance band festival. woot woot. Which we have a new show to. Which we haven't put on the field yet all the way through. Not counting that we don't know the dance yet. But it's awesome. Because for once, when it's cutting it close, it's nothing to worry about cause the people in this band want to be in this band. and we get stuff done. it's awesome! yep yep

and I love the altos. a lot. they rock. my socks. off.

alto alot

NO PDA IN UNIFORM! hahaha you know i happen to like all the uniform rules.

(sigh....i hate myself).....cause we form a Collective

everyone is the same. there are no girls. heck i don't even know if we're allowed to be people. lol that ups the intimidation factor.

now let's go find some people to scare.

GO OHIO!

yeah so this is probably going to be my source of procrastination.

actually i have an hour break M T Th and F from 10-11 so yeah

I can't start on HW at that time so this is my rr time

eat stuff

unload bookbag

organize what homework i will be doing shortly

etc.

yeah

I was kinda freaked out earlier this morning about stuff, but if i stay organized I may be able to stick it through with all of my classes and not drop calc. but I haven't been to calc yet today so i dunno. so woot woot.

yep not much has been going on. Band's still cool and I love my section and the alto dinner was awesome. Tracy did great with the spaghetti. you could smell it a few floors down on the stairs. nice :-)

I have to make a difficult decision with band today. I really wish there was a straight answer, but so far I've had 6 suggestions and that's just not cool. Maybe it's good that people think I could take on any of the 6, but everyone has their strengths, weaknesses, and connections.... sigh

spur of the moment on that one

and yeah

I love Matt

BUSY!

I don't even bother with a "the"

Yeah so I've been here for a week now, and we have a game tomorrow! WOOT!

This week has been nice. I got over my comfort zone thing before I even moved in to my actual room so I have a big headstart on all my other friends who just got here.

And Dr. Tanda moved our tutorial earlier so that i can make it to band! woot!!! And he also made a deal with me to try in case juggling all my HTC stuff and band doesn't work out too well. so i be happy!

yep yep. i need a shower now cause i have to be over at bryan at 10 so Amanda can braid my hair lol.

which btw, i love my section. they are all so awesome! Biza, Tracy, and Bridget are really nice. And I really like Chelsea, Jerod, Mike, and Clinton (even though I'm Matt's sister) I still need to get to know the others a little better, but I know that I like all the freshman. Ace and Morgan seem really cool.

yeah so i'm tired.....k bye

Band Camp

All I have to say is one thing....

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

And I'm really tired now so I may go to sleep in a bit.

hmmm

k thanks

bye

The Forgotten

Have you ever had a friend that you cared about?

That even though you have your differences, you feel like if it really came down to it, they would be there for you?

Have you ever gone out of your way to do a small nice thing for this friend just because it made you feel good?

Have you ever had a friend that you do all these things for?

Have you ever had a friend who acts like you don't exist in their life?

....

I have.

It's not like I'm angry because I feel like I should be thanked daily or anything.

I feel sad.

I wish it wasn't too late.

But I guess I get to be some excess baggage.

sigh sigh I just hope my friend knows that even though I won't see them I'll always be there. Cause that makes me feel good.

....so woot off to illinois with Matt and family this weekend

The Randomness

I made sure last night that I sent Sammy a txt saying Happy Birthday! right after midnight because I wanted to be the first one...

and I was! woot!

Then she called me and we talked for over an hour about all sorts of stuff (namely our boys).

It was nice :) we kind of analyzed our relationships a bit and it made me feel really happy.

yeah.....lol i dunno, but I get to see Matt tomorrow!

oo and I practiced manuverability today and I totally rock.

kk

The Better Summer

I am really happy right now:

• Nellie has manuverability cones for me to use
• All the other kids have to go to band tomorrow
• I'm free
• I get to go to school soon
• I get to go to band soon
• I love Matt
• He'll be done with camp in just ONE WEEK!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAH
• I love Matt
• Bubbles are cool
• I love Matt

yeah....

I'm just in a really good mood! even though I miss him, I'm happy!

last night was so much fun. we just had a good time. we watched episode 3 and i was alreadt a little slap happy so i had comments throughout the movie. seriously.....butt face?? come on. and force powers would have so much cooler. ILM could have made it good, I have faith. I so just force-popped your bubble.

...killed the younglings...!

i am so going to call my children younglings

...poor kids...

and we blew bubbles.....well i did....matt needs to learn how to share because those are MY bubbles

and i have 12 digits

yeah...

i am so weird. that's what i am here for. i let peoples 'weird' out. I wanted to say something along the lines of "now Matt, who else could you seriously lay on a bed with and blow bubbles and laugh and poke?" but that question is a little too "duh" because i don't think he's the type who'd randomly attack people like that. the only person i know would be stephen.....and thats because he has issues........

hmm i need to see stephen....it's been a while...poor steviepoo

I am happy, yes i am, i am happy, how bout you?

Illinois: 12 days

OU: 26 days

The Better Countdowns

FINALLY! I SHALL BE FREE!!

not that life here is bad or anything, i just am SOOO ready to move on and get out of here

college is going to be so awesome!

I finally talked to my roommate. Her name is Karlie and she seems really nice, but I haven't been able to talk to her much. Just once really for a little while on the internet. Hopefully she'll be online again sometime soon.

ook, the uber sweet news:

Matthew has gone out and done the one thing he was wanting to wait till christmas for.....

He bought a brand new 2006 Ford Mustang!

ooooooo

and it's black

ooooooo

granted i have yet to see it. but we're picking it up wednesday! yay!

I have all my band stuff now...it's a tad bit confusing with all the stuff, but Matt has helped explain.

I have bought massive amounts of stuff for my dorm room. I am so excited!

I want to just not deal with all these other people anymore. I want to meet new people. The only person I really plan on talking to that I knew from HS will be Matt. Sure, I'll see Steph, Kelsey, and Carolyn from time to time. They're my friends too. But they want to meet new people too and that's great!

the only person I realize that I will see more often than I currently want to is Kyle.....but let's not go there.....

so yeah

oo and because of band I get to move in one day early! yay!

So here are my 2 uber awesome countdowns:

26 days - Off to Illinois with the Reising clan (yay for long drive...)

40 days - off to Athens for band and school!

and yeah i dunno.....I'm just thinking about what I'll be doing a month from now.....

The Fury

haha that's a funny word

fury

it's also kinda hard to say....

it's not that i feel fury, i was just trying to come up with a word to describe how i feel and this funny word popped into my head

thanks head

fury

ok

i am so sick of not getting to see him

of course i am the selfish little girlfriend who pretty much gets to see him for at least 99% of his time off

which is bad

but it's hard to not want to kidnap him because it's always been a countdown relationship ( 3 more days, 2 more weeks, etc ) there is almost no consecutiveness. winter break wasn't even that consecutive. his spring break was it. I'm pretty sure that was everyday for a little over a week. That's been it. Consecutive for about 9 days.

But it has it's pluses.

like, i never take for granted any amount of time i get to see him. I want to spend time with him and only him (seeing as getting motivation to see others takes time)

and since i'm so freaked out about fall quarter i think our relationship will help me out a lot. he's my vacation and i'll at least see him everyday for band and when i'm really busy i'll know he's always there.

and holy crap, Matt's room in his apartment is almost the size of his old dorm room....

anyway....

see i'm freaked out and excited for next year

i know i am going to be running around like crazy on wednesdays. stupid tutorial and band practice at the same time.....

mondays shouldn't be too bad cause chem lab, as i'm told, will never run as long as it's scheduled, cause that's a 15 min overlap with band

hmm...the more i look at it....it shouldn't be too bad

I have Bio, Chem, and Calc four days a week between 8 and 12, so not too bad really. 50 min classes.....better than high school.

then i have at least 4 hours between those classes and band. so that's when i really need to get the work done and maybe keep my nights free.

Truthfully Monday should be the worst cause I'll have less free time.

Wednesday shouldn't be half bad, my only stress will come from having to run from my tutorial to band. and it has the potential of being better considering location.

wow know that i've thought about it...i don't feel so bad

and guess what

I love Matt

the end

The Bad Girlfriend

That is what I am.....k;jdsfhldsbcdskhvbsgftrs

Ok, so Matthew has Saturdays off-ish

And it's awesome!!!

But I am a really bad girlfriend

Ok, Matt needs to leave by certain times so he can get somewhere on time, or get some sleep.

He tells me a time and I say ok, BUT I NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!

argh i'm awful

like right now

it's 11:45

Matt said he needed to leave by 11

and he just left at 11:45

he needs to be at camp at 12

it's a half hour drive

bvn fbvc hbvmn hjbmn fdbv sc uojkl,.ngt

why do i do this? sure mainly it's because i get so sick of him having to leave that i can't bear to let him go. i want him to stay so badly.

but this is not how i should be doing things.....

sooner or later it's going to get him mad (if he hasn't been already) and he'll be mad at me and it will be my fault, like it's been all the past 1000 times.

or it will get him in trouble

like it probably will today.

now i don't think it will be a lot of trouble, cause something tells me he isn't the typical late person, but still

i shouldn't do that to him

its not cool

he's my boyfriend and I love him and i shouldn't make him late

so, Matt, seeing as you're the only one who reads this last time i checked:

I'm sorry. I need to stop it. You made me a deal to come see me one last time before you left, on a day I wouldn't normally see you anyway, and I made you late. I just miss you so much and it's hard to see you leave. I guess I just need to realize that even though you're leaving; you will come back. so, I'm sorry and I'll stop. I love you and I miss you and I can't wait till I get to see you enough to be sick of you ;-)

The Update

Yeah, Happy B-day to me!!! I am 18! woot!

I can now smoke, gamble, and look at porn! yayay!

just kidding

hmm and i can vote, which reminds me i need to go register

As for b-day festivities:

Yesterday I got some cool b-day gifts from my parents. I got two lamps (one of which is a clip on one), a phone, and some heavy duty plastic plates, bowls, and cups (you know, the neon patioware kinda stuff)

then MATT WAS HOME!!!!!!!!! god i miss him. He had to go to Antoni's wedding in the morning, which seemed to go off pretty nicely according to him. and he "caught" the garter with his foot lol.

he took me out to dinner to Montgomery Inn, and it was really nice. I loved the chicken i had and I enjoyed the shrimp and i didn't even need ketchup :-p He got me a 360 game, Perfect Dark Zero, and a beautiful necklace and earrings (which i wore today, i might add) then he came back to my house and we watched the end of The Incredibles, and then Ghostbusters came on after. Then we talked for about a half hour......and he's gone.....again.....

i need my license cause i want to go see him at camp

yay drivers ed tomorrow at 9 am

this day really hasn't been all that great.....

i feel like i can barely stand it now when he's gone at camp. I'm used to talking to him for hours each day. now i get about 15 minutes a night. now don't get me wrong, i appreciate every second of it. but if i'm having problems with only seeing him on saturdays and with short phone calls each night....and then i'll go through a period when we'll be at school together all the time......and what if we're still together when he goes into the navy? how will i handle it then?

sigh i don't have to worry about that for a long time.

right now i'm kinda living two lives. On life is here at home. I go to drivers ed, i play FFVII, i need to get a job, i get stuff in order for college. My other life is when Matt comes home. Everything else doesn't matter. He does. That is proof that he is my vacation. And I hope that stays through next year because I am so worried of being stressed out and not having time for other stuff.

I miss him so much right now.....and I still have another 6 days till I see him...

it's nice to go and reread the posts from his blog. they make me happysad

The Summer Begins

OK

I am SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!

I am SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!

I am SOOOOOOOOO IN LOVE!!!!!

I am SOOOOOOOOO SCREWED!!!!

yeah i am excited/happy about college....it will freaking rock and I want to leave today please.....no seriously, can i? YAYAYAYA

but

my fall quarter massively sucks

i have 20 credit hours. I have my zoology tutorial, which is a majoy deal seeing as I am in the Honors TUTORIAL College, and it's my first tutorial ever with my other bios breathren.....and I have marching band pretty much at the same time......so right now it's looking like I will always be late to band on wednesday and I never will get to see a complete tutorial class until winter. THIS SUCKS!!!! I mean Dr. Tanda seemed to want to get it worked out and Matt gives me the impression that Dr. Suk will be ok with it.

just.....

ARGHHHHH

it's really freaking me out

I'm afraid I'll get so stressed out and I won't have time for anything

or anyone.....sigh sigh

I miss Matt

The Wednesday

I woke up at 8:45 (yay alarm), got a shower, got dressed, then went out for breakfast with my grandparents. Yay Breakfast!

I got back here, I cleaned (oooo) and I got some CDs in order and figured out how my new backpack works. Is it sad that I can't wait for back to school shopping?? That I want to buy pretty pencils and hole punchers and plastic dividers and staple removers?? And new shoes and pants and t-shirts?? New bedding and drawers and lappy stuff and video games and hangers??

I guess being over-eager is better than nervous.

Seriously, if I could leave today...

I would.

Matt is 21 today!!! yay!!!

and now I can't see him for 25 days cause he's 21 and I'm still 17....woah....big kid....jk

I can and I can't see how this is a big deal though. We will always be the same age difference apart, so he shouldn't ever feel awkward (well insert better word here) . But, society places some big changes on these ages.

I want to go register to vote....I should be able to do that.....like now....

wow I'll be 18 soon....sweet....

life is awesome, btw

and I'm eating a Kit Kat bar that tastes like it's older than Matt....lol

eh chocolate is chocolate :-p

And then I get to go shopping for crap once my mom gets home.... I get my (band) khakis!!!! yay!!!! I think I'll get a dress pair too.

kk.....the end, life rocks, i love gorgeous people, yay 21-ness, and

I'M GRADUATING ON SATURDAY!!!!!! AHHHHHAHAHAHAH!!!!

The Last Days

Yeah. I even had senioritis with posting on here.

Yeah.

My Little Miami career is over, thank god. Never again....unless I send my kids there. Which i intend to do.

Wow, i don't even feel like talking about much of anything.

I just have graduation, a few more parties, and soon I will never have to deal with these people again until a reunion or something.

And we had our last band concert last night. No more Mr. Allen. YAY!!!!!!

no more this no more that

I have been desperate to get out of here since winter break.

And yeah....I dunno....

I'm still so happy.

Btw, my boyfriend is gorgeous.

I love my lappy. no more annoying compy. granted, i don't have the internet on my lappy.....

AND I'M GRADUATING THIS SATURDAY!!!!!

The Summer Will Never Get Here

please.....PLEASE......let me out......i'm dying in there......

uggg.....

someone save me.....

please.....before i kill them all..........sigh

everyone needs to die

hjk,mxzdjklxcfkl./vc

I smashed the nail off of my thumb today. stupid sax case

i dunno....

i've lost all point to everything....SCHOOL WILL NEVER END

and wow i need to learn h0w to play take five for saturday....

ok i studied my calc. now off to halo 2

hmm i could have sworn i had a point meant for this post.....

The Navy

Matt got into the Navy!! Woot!! I don't care how many other people got in, I'm happy and proud!!!

My boyfriend is a Petty Officer in the Navy!

beat that....ooo you can't!

I deserve a title too. I shall be...... THE girlfriend. (pronounced 'thee') add my name to the end too. "This is the girlfriend, Caitlin."

though "my" sounds nice too. very possessive lol i dunno, hyper from navy

Yay I'm happy. I got the txt at the senior meeting and I yelled and everyone in the room was like, "what???"

it was funny lol

I think i've told at least 15 people randomly

And I just got to talk to him for about 45 minutes about it. woot!

Today kinda sucked though. Cleaver was pissing me off really bad and it actually takes a lot to do that since I enjoy him picking on other people.

Pardon my liberalism, but

Seriously, who gives a damn if we missed the stupid speech the president gave yesterday? Most of us were in AP Gov and we knew everything that was going on in the country. So we didn't watch one speech. He basically told us that he was ashamed of us and that our country will fall apart because no one cares. Well, he got one thing right, I don't care at all what our presidential moron has to say. Sam was at work. She couldn't watch it. Aw her bad since she didnt call off work for it or turn that channel on at Beef's. We're too worried about schoolwork and college. Ooops. Most of us can't even participate in the system yet since we're all summer birthdays. I'm sorry Mr. Cleaver for not watching one stupid speech on tv because I was concentrating on college. Nevermind that I didn't ever miss one speech the past 2 trimesters and that dear god i actually turned on c-span every once in a while. Nevermind all the current events and all the discussions we had.

I swear, Maupin kicks Cleaver's AP ass. Maupin rocks. When we had debates he played devils advocate occasionally and let us as a group discuss things. But Cleaver just attacks us verbally all the time. Today he was singling people out. He asked Katie if she disagreed with him. She did but said no. If he had asked me I probably would have started cussing right there. I have never been so mad. I don't know how it happened. It only took a few seconds. hmm...I was really pissed off in homeroom though.

I am so sick of people here. We all will miss each other but right now, we're counting down the days till we never have to deal with each other again. I AM SO SICK OF MATURITY LEVELS! ARGH! I'm just glad I'm not a part of it. I have one group pissed off at another group. The first group pisses me off because they act like wounded dogs all the time and that their lives suck so bad. And the second group doesn't care or even know. I need some friends. The first group treats me like the third wheel all the time. Half the time, one of them acts all pissed off at me and I didn't even do anything to her, I don't know what her problem is. Today I wanted to see what graph she put down on her calc sheet. She starts yelling at me. Holy crap I have the sheet done already, my god, chill out.

argh

i need some massive venting. guess who the lucky petty officer is? I advise you use those ear plugs you got lol

argh still

so today sucked, but matt did good on his interviews so he's in the Navy so I can't be unhappy.

But technically, him getting into the Navy can be seen as slightly depressing too...but for now, I'm happy :-) in a sad way

The Ninth Day

oy, these next two weeks are going to suck

Graduation parties are a pain. Angie is good, I'm good, Kyle's good. We all have our own days. However, I have FIVE parties on the 4th and FIVE on th 10th. I have no idea how I'll get to go out to dinner with Matt and the families for his b-day. Unless we go semi late on the 2nd.

I got a letter from the HTC today....I get to take American Chemical Society exam....aka placement test.....damnit. Looks like I'll be needing to refresh.....well, everything.

yeah that sucks...

I got a B+ on the Catcher in the Rye paper. My comments were:

Yes!

This is good.

Good address of the prompt.

B+

ok then....i want to know what I did wrong....but I have 8 days left so I honestly couldn't care less....as long as I keep my B, of course.

I was even hyper at school today.

In calc, Mr Lovins was explaining washer method to someone and was like "So you have a softball and you drill a hole through it..."

and I went "awwww....." really really loudly.....lol yep

Then in drama, we were trying to teach this one girl to be seductive and have her hands all over Nat, so Kelsa was showing her and Mr. Lyke (lol) was showing her....and then Nat says "I don't know who's rubbing me! There's so many hands!"

twas funny

Then Mr. Lyke called me a kinky slut bitch....i think. Because Rumors cast doens't know their lines so Kelsa threatened them and Mr Lyke said he'd throw things at them if they forget their lines. So I decided to throw in my own little threat to my Midsummer cast and said that I would be wearing a belt all next week. :-p yep i like it rough

At lunch I ate steamed vegetables...with cheese of course. The broccoli was good. Carrots and cheese was kinda nasty and I avoided the cauliflower. The point is I ate something healthy....ish

I was pretty tried today too. In my hyperness I told Matt to stop by at 6 this morning on his way to Columbus. I was pretty awake when I saw him, but i crashed as soon as I got back home from school. I'm glad I got to see him....It was a really nice way to start off my day, I don't care what time. I know he'll kick butt at his interview tomorrow! yay Navy!

I miss him....I have 2 weeks maybe, or else 3. He may come down for Memorial Day weekend since there's a lot of stuff he can go to, but if he doesn't my mom wants to take my grandma to Athens on saturday. I'd only get to see Matt for a few hours and I'd have to stay with my family the whole time....but it's always better than nothing. Plus I love going to Athens. But on Memorial Day weekend I have Misummer on friday, nothing on saturday, Kyle's party on Sunday, and the concert on Monday.

:-D I'll be out of school then.....YAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!11
!!!!
1

oneoneoneone

It's late and I need to go to bed.

The Insanity

yep....

Matt saw me hyper...

and I am fun!

On Friday, he was not having a good day. :-( so I listened to him vent and then things started working out a bit better like him being able to get into the show for his class. Then intermission was at 10, so he decided to leave and come here. At about 12:30 he calls asking if he can still come over. Lol everyone's asleep but why not? Do he shows up at 1 and leaves at 2:30. lol I still think that no one realized he was here lol.

The next morning I cleaned...yay....and then got ready for Angie's grad party. woot! Lots of cake, lol!

And now Angela Darling (no Moira) has me thrown off because here we are at a grad party and we dont graduate for another 3 weeks! >:-( why can't I graduate NOW!?!??!?!?!

anyway

it was raining lol it was fun running to the car

Then Matthew stopped by for a few hours and explained the calc to me and then tried to explain physics....yeah...I'll be needing his help next year and yeah I need to remember to copy Sam's notes and grab stuff from Gray. Then I went to bed.

Well first I had my first hyper episode. I talked for about 5 minutes straight about Matt coming over at six and multitasking and half brain dead yeah you had to be there.

I woke up this morning got dressed and got some orange juice and played some halo 2. woot. then matt came over, he fell asleep :-p and then suddenly he had to leave in 10 minutes. Then I got really really hyper and we were laughing for at least half an hour straight. It was SO much fun. And I was crazy and insane but he loves me anyway lol. And he's ticklish. >:-) and then he picked me up and it was scary and he didnt groan or anything so that's a good sign. But he didn't try walking lol.

And now he's showing up at 6 in the morning tomorrow on his way to columbus to catch his plane to DC to his NAVY INTERVIEW *cue dramatic music*

and i really need to finish my english

The Meek

This may also lead into my Love Essay, i dunno

I went out on a branch last night with Matt. I kinda laid some random stuff out, not really dealing with us specifically but just a lot of things that have been in my mind.

Going out on a branch is a good thing. You dont hide a thing and yeah sometimes people get hurt, but then you know where the limits are. If you always stay close to the trunk, how will you ever what else is out there? It's about risk taking. Just Do It. Live with no regrets.

How can all this deep and meaningful stuff stem from just me being meek? Am I just taking things too seriously? Or is this just some attempt of mine to figure out the world?

You can take anything in the world seriously. But why are people so fidgety about love? I think it honestly has to do with age....I just realized this. It all comes back to maturity. I am more mature than, well at times, everybody at my school. I don't care about the stupid gossip rings. I don't care what people think of me. I don't care about band next year, I won't be in it. So is this maturity? Or some form of denial.

I know I am more mature with relationships now though. I've learned to see the better things in life, which is a gift I am so thankful to receive from the one I love. I think we both showed each other this. And the best part is that even if we don't stay in this type of relationship, I think we've still changed and will still view things this way. Matt lives 3 hours away. I get to talk to him on the compy when I'm not busy and he's not busy. I wish it was more, but then again, it could be less. I should be so happy that I do get to talk to him as much as I do. I am happy. I'm happy I get to hear about his day and know what is going on in his life, so I still feel like a part of it, even though I'm not there.

It's the greatest feeling in the world. To know that I love him so much that I don't ever get jealous. People have asked me tons of times if I ever am jealous of him being so far away and talking to people (well girls are what they are getting at) that I don't know. I ask them, why should I? I hadn't really talked to him much in 3 years and he went out of his way to get to know me. And even though he lives far away he still asked me out. He asked me out knowing that we won't get to see each other much. That definitely means something. He sees other people all the time and I still won. :-p

And now, little meek me, is afraid that she just typed all that. Afraid that maybe she's making things sound too serious. Afraid of going out on that limb. But I can explain it.

I am in my transition phase now. I know how I don't want to act, but I don't know how I'm supposed to act. I don't want to be a high schooler, but I know nothing about college kids.

and now I'm back and I don't know what the real point of all this is. I just needed to talk, I suppose. If anyone understands this all, talk to me about it....please

and I'm sick today, so I'm going to go lay down

The Extras

Let me repeat: Prom was so AWESOME!

and here's some more stuff:

I cannot believe it. I thought about it the whole entire time during the last post but it was late and I just didn't add it in:

Matt got his interview for the Navy!

yay!

he'll fly out the 15th and the interview is on the 16th! woot!

lol the sooner he gets this over with the sooner he can become this fabled asshole that he wants to be lol

like a car

Mr. Cleaver liked Marat/Sade . We talked about it for a bit today at the beginning of class.

What's the point of a revolution without general copulation?

Mr. Lovins LOVED the prom pictures with the signs. It made his day :-)

Our drama production is on the 26th. Yes, seniors, we'll be out at that time, but still, what better way to spend your memorial day weekend?

I have the AP gov test tomorrow. woot.

I miss Matt...


I like this picture even though I'm not looking at the camera....we just seem really happy right then...i think we were.

The Prom

Prom was so awesome!!! I had the best time ever!

Saturday I woke up after a late night already with Matt being home, so I was kinda grumpy. I had to get ready and I didn't have time for breakfast so we went to the hair place at 10 and it turns out my appt was at 10:30.....grrrr.....so it took TWO hours to do my feet and fingernails, then until 3 to do my hair and makeup. Let's just say after all that I looked pretty damn good. :-p

Since we got out so late I didn't have too much down time until Matt got there. I had to get all the stuff together for prom and afterprom.

I got ready and Matt got there at 5:15. He looked so amazingly handsome! :-)

We got our pictures which, lol, i think actually did take a half hour. Then we left.

We got there about half an hour early and so we chilled in the car, till Stephen and Missi arrived then we all headed in.

That place was amazing!!!!!! Best location EVER! The tables were off to the side, big dancing floor. It was perfect!!! The huge windows were awesome (even though they really didn't look at anything)

can I go to Prom again.....please?

with a cherry on top?

I actually danced-ish too! If you add up all the homecomings and last years prom, I still danced more at this prom! yay!

I am so happy just thinking about it. I can't even tell you specific events except that I had a wonderful time and I love Matt!

We left about 12:50 and stopped by my house and changed clothes. Matt forgot his shoes :-p and I left my camera....grrr....

Afterprom started pretty slowly....It probably would have been better if more people had shown up. But they had tons of food and the equilibrium thing was awesome....

I lost.....really badly....jerk.....

and then I missed Stephen and Matt facing off....sigh

and Matt is like the Twister King. Lol the best part was Matt and Tony being tangled all around each other. That was definitely a Kodak moment....

Matt won a sleeping bag (and I already have the exact same one.....aww cute they match) and a flashlight! and then

I GOT MY CHAIR!!!!! YAY!!!!! It is the coolest chair in the world. It's big and orange and foldable! and Matt and I can sorta both fit in it, lol

then i won an iPod nano

wow

We came back and Mat went back home since his dad said he couldnt stay the night :-(

I slept till about 10:30, then woke up again at 12. Matt sent a txt not too much later and he came over and I fixed pancakes :-) my ugly but good pancakes

We watched Animal House (which is hilarious) and Mupper Treasure Island

Next weekend, if we can fit the time in, I may try to get him to watch Grease.

sigh....and then he went back to school....another week to wait. this is probably how it will be over the summer too except then i won't get to talk to him daily like i do now on the compy. sigh sigh

The Countdowns

5 days - I see Matt again
6 days - Prom....woot!
25 days - Senior Last Day!
31 days - Matt turns 21.....woah.....scary
34 days - Graduation
40 days - my graduation party
56 days - I turn 18, woot!

what do you get a guy turning 21 for his birthday?

.....

that I can actually buy, you idiot!

sigh

woot! i get to see him basically every weekend from here on out. Prom, I may see him the next weekend, i forget about the next weekend, probably not memorial, graduation, then he's out and i have my party, and then maybe on a few weekends if he's not busy with camp. Sweet. and then he'll get out of camp, and then we'll have some of august and then school. woot.

yay life

geqHEVAQ(*Pofklv"iqgklJEHqW WE DIDNT HAVE PEP BAND!!!!!!!

on friday he said to call the office to see if we were having it......was i in class friday????????? noooooooooo. argh. i could've stayed longer!!!!!! well maybe long enough to go out to breakfast......or eat the ice cream lol.

how about a recap, since my only good thing is summarizing not analyzing. well kinda.....at least on here

friday.....we had a sub in english....woot......in calc i didn't finish my test and I thought that i royally screwed it up.....luckily he put a curve on it and I got a 95!!! :-)

drama i was still down from the last periods events.....and then i left! haha no biotech or band!

i really do love the way we drive to OU. divides it up so nicely. its always faster on the way home though. maybe its just the whole "are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?" thing i have on the way there.

i was so happy to see him.....yet i still act so shy...i'll analyze that later on

we watched some red vs blue.....woot! that is the best thing ever. it is sooo funny! i think i'm going to look that up now...

we got some pizza which i couldnt eat all the way.....grrr.....and we went to Marat/Sade later and Matt Cleaver was in it! it was kinda freaky, but the fact that i know cleaver in other plays made it a lot easier on me. because all i could see was him being funny.

LOL! I would just like to let everyone know that I'm a girl, and I like ribbons in my hair, and I want to kiss all the boys. lol thats a shirt. yay surrender. this stuff is so funny. and they have all this stuff about Donut and his "pink" armor. lol.

ANYWAY.....then we got back and went to bed at about 12, but then ended up talking later until 2ish....late enough to hear all the people outside lol

i like the blue army better....

poor caboose....he's -1

we woke up off and on since like 7 and finally got out at 12. I got my UBER SWEET track jacket! I love it! I'll wear it until I die....maybe.

crap now i can't remember orders of events.....I know we came back and watched....something....and then we were going to have frisbee but SOMEONE didn't put down where to meet.....and if he did he definitely didn't remember where he said :-p but i did get a nice workout with all that walking. and......we almost fell asleep......and we walked all over west green area....ish...and we got food at red brick and that cheeseburger was awesome and i ate 95% of it and some potato wedges....WOOT! and then we watched ferris bueller! yay! and then we got coldstone and matt changed his mind about 50 times lol and then got a HUGE amount of ice cream that i bet if we had stayed there a little longer he would've finished with no problem.....they stuck an entire brownie in it!!! but we left anyway and put them in the freezer. and we watched some family guy and went to sleep. woke up.....i didn't want to leave......but i had to go to BAND and PLAY at the bond issue RALLY......but the band was CANCELLED because not enough people could GO which means I could've stayed in Athens LONGER but NO. grrr

i dunno

i'm tired even though i've slept most of this day away.....

5 days

analyzing.....ok.....looking back on this weekend i just have to ask myself.....WHY AM I STILL SHY? WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO BE SHY ABOUT? we have been going out for almost 5 months and i still am so shy. I just smile a lot and i don't say much. at least its not like we don't talk. see i think it may have to deal with how we just see each other sporadically....i have no idea how to spell that....some parts of the relationship go faster than the others i suppose. we need to even things out....

i have no idea what i'm talking about anymore....i think i'm just overanalyzing and why exactly i'm doing it on here....i have no idea.

k bye...

The Update-ish

what? did you miss me?

i'm talking to myself...

since monday i......went to school.....i had another trip to the dentist, had some more NOS and got sick the next day....i got all these pictures from kyle from new years! yay! i may post a few i dunno

i fell asleep on the phone with matt.....sigh....i feel bad. thats the first time i've done that. and it's not that he was boring or whatever. i was in bed, lights off, listening to his voice. soothing is the proper word i guess....even though it was mainly incoherent chemistry mumbling. :-)

i'm doing awesome in calculus....woot!

biotech is still a joke

people still kinda hate me....i dunno

i don't have time to get on sam's good side since she's always at internship. but why is it that they made up with stephen? i just think thats weird....but sigh

it'll get better i suppose

friday i....went to school

saturday i cleaned my room massively

I organized my closet and t-shirt drawer! woot! and i don't have 5 billion things on my trunk.

today i....had cheeseburgers and baked beans. i had 2 cheeseburgers and i still want another.

matt had his spring fling...thing...this weekend. par-tay!

and i get to go there next weekend all by myself. i'm a big girl now!

i dunno

have some pictures:


Ellen, Megan, Beth, EZ, and Gurm!



Everybody! except no me....i'm not sure where i am....



Yay New Years!



That Welch's grape juice can really get to you...

OK the end

i dunno.

give me a prompt to write about.

5 days

The Mood

I'm not sure what mood I'm in anyway.

I just felt a desire to write in here and I don't know why.

I hate people that disrespect teachers. I don't care if you hate him, don't disrespect him. This is the same girl who has been disrespectful since she was a freshman and it bugged me then too. grrr

To me, I look tan. Compare to others and I am still really really white. Sigh...I don't get tan. I just get shades of pink.

I have 6 cold sores on the tip of my tongue.....what from? chewing gum. I always bite my tongue if I havent had gum in a while. so this sucks. I can't talk very well and eating and drinking is a pain. Oh well, I have cream I put on them and they are getting better. And plus I can't play in band...lol

oy band... some people have no reason to be mad at me since I was being treated like a third wheel anyway... i was sick of it so I went to have fun. and it was freaking sweet. hmm Actually all my days rocked...When I look back at who I was with each day....it was awesome!

I dunno....I have a very "i'm leaving and I won't see you again" attitude. Basically I don't care who I tick off anymore or what I say to people anymore. At the end of the parade at Disney I wanted to say "it's been a pleasure marching with you guys now go to Hell" hehe it would have been funny actually. well most people would have gotten it. some others take offense too easily. So I also have a very laid back attitude.

Senior year has sucked. The only good things have been the college things.

i dunno....despite these pessimistic ramblings I am in a pretty good mood.

I miss Matt.

11 days till I get to spend the weekend with him....which I admit I am starting to feel a bit hesitant about. Mainly concerning showers actually lol. And I don't want to be a bother seeing as I'm getting dropped off. So it's not like someone can put me somewhere for a few hours. I dunno....sigh....i need this laid out before me. the more i know i guess the more comfortable i'd feel

I guess I'll head to bed now....I dunno....

on a good note, I think I may have gained a friend back....hopefully though this is the good kind

The Happiest Place on Earth, damnit

Yay Disney.

I would give you a complete sum up....but I don't feel like it.

I just had a freaking awesome time.

How about some pictures....


This is the House of Blues where we ate dinner at Downtown Disney


Steph and Sam showing off their socks at the orientation breakfast


Sam, Kyle, Carolyn, Nichole, Angie, Me, Steph, Stephen = best senior group


Kyle's impersonator


ARRR PJ


yay big golf ball


Mission Space - I survived even though I met 2 of the 4 "you should not ride this if..."


Tower of Terror! - Mrs. Smith was so scared to get on it, but we made her. It was a lot of fun


Steve and Kyle got to be extras on the Indiana Jones stunt show!


Kyle Geek #1


Caitlin Geek #2

....

Aww come on!!! It's Star Wars!!!!!!

....


The No Drama Group (kyle and stephen are missing) It was so much fun with those guys!

I dunno the end

The bus ride back was so much better. I slept through a few stops too. And we got an awesome breakfast buffet at Shoney's.

I got home, had to do my disney presentation, and then I fell asleep. Woke up, talked to Matt for over 4 hours, went to sleep, woke up, took a shower, went to Easter at my uncle's, fell asleep, did my webwork, finished my morrow scholarship, organized the disney pictures, and now about to go to bed.

the end for real

i'm really depressed suddenly... :'-(

The Pre-Break

So the school week was...blah i dunno

My legs still hurt from practice Thursday since we didn't stretch at all....no fundamentals though so it wasnt half bad

the dance needs a lot of work because no one can remember anything. it's amazing they remember how to breathe. We have to go to school early tomorrow so we can practice. woot.

Friday was cool. We had Doomsday weather. Sa was going to go to Beefs with her youth group and I was invited. Then they cancelled because the world was ending. So I convinced Sam to go take me to Beefs anyway. It was a lot of fun and we were both wearing skirts. Woot. And then it hailed. It was sweet.

And then Matthew got here that night! woot! that Rebel. I was filled in on all the various Navy stuff. He's gonna have to write that down sometime because wow that was a lot of info all at once. But he's pretty happy about it :-) We watched some AFV too and that was hilarious.

Saturday I cleaned and then I got my hair cut. It looks pretty nice all cut to the same length lol. But it's still kinda short near the front. I just want to make sure I can pull it up without having tons of loose strands. After that Matthew came over and we all went to Lone Star for my mom's b-day. There was a cool server there that went to OU and lived in Read and moved to Carriage Hill so that was kinda ironic lol. And then we had a car ride of nothing but talking about Mustangs and other cars.

I remember once that I listened to Matt for about an hour talk to someone about cars. This was at Julie's bonfire during my freaky freshman days. I thought I was going to die I was so bored. But I stood there like an idiot anyway. Yay scary Caitlin. which reminds me....

I know how to kill myself. I was enlightened by Matt. He has this completely thought out. But don't worry kids, he's all better now....lol

and then he wore my hat and looked like a fuzzy pimp. i really should have gotten a picture of that...

I need pictures of him....

Let's see what else happened Saturday night....various other things I suppose

The moon was really cool that night. You cast shadows it was so bright.

Today was awesome. We went to the park and we took a walk on the trails and Matt showed off his muscles with the pull ups and the dips and the hanging from the pole horizontally. monkey.

Then we threw the frisbee a bit. I guess I'm not too bad. I could get it to him (most of the time) I mainly happy that I can catch it pretty well. The wind and the mud didn't help much....seeing as some attempts ended with me on my butt in the mud.

Sam and Thomas finally showed up after forever. We were going to tackle the guys but I'm nicer to my boyfriend. Though he's starting to get to me a bit with his pokes ;-)

We took over one playground set. It was a lot of fun. I love playgrounds. They need to make a big kid playground. After that we went to the swings a bit then Matt and I left. We got him some uber sweet new shoes. And we think his dad may have spotted us at DSW. lol but hey.

We came back here and we were going to eat and then Matt was going to leave.....

I'm magical

cause he didn't leave

he stayed

4 hours longer than he was planning

cause I'm awesome like that

but it's 12:15 now and he's not back in Athens yet I think so that sucks.

We ate some Easter candy and we played Jedi Academy for a bit.

I miss him. I'm in denial again.

I dunno why I act shy around him still. Because that really doesn't make sense concerning recent stuff. But I do anyway. I guess I'm still afraid he'll run away. I'm just so happy with him, I'm afraid i'll do something wrong at the wrong time....i dunno.... and this is all as simple as just holding his hand.

yay my thoughts and feelings. Now that I've done the strict reporting, it's your turn to do the thoughts and feelings. :-p

I miss Matt.

Well I'm packed and ready to go to FLORIDA. It should be nice...besides me being burnt pretty bad already. This will be a fast week for me out of the 3 I have for the countdown. Probably slow for Matt seeing as I won't really get to talk to him much. Hopefully he can call the hotel on Wednesday night or something for a little while.

Well I'm out for the week. I'm spending it with everyone I talk to anyway, and I even offered to take the exception. I'm pretty sure he could fit on carryon...the overhead compartment. We stop suddenly, "OW!" "*coughcoughchoke* wow got something in my throat...."

I'm off to get pleasantly pink.

i love you

The Grades and NOS

Ok, so yesterday I had yet another cavity filled.

No my teeth are not rotting out.....jerk..... :-p

This time I had gas to make me not afraid of the needle.

And I guess it worked. I had to keep telling myself "don't open your eyes, don't freak out!"

of course with my eyes closed I felt like I was spinning

and I tried to find things to see if I would laugh

Like once I opened my eyes and the two overhead lights, the vent, and the lights over the chair made a smiley face shape.

And Matthew was txting me while this was happening and I was txting back and my arm felt so heavy I'm amazed I could type back.

But it was awesome....

until the effects started to wear off....and I got really nauseous....and threw up the next day at school....woot....

I still love that stuff though

and I love my grades

my grades rock

I have a:

blank in english...which isnt too bad really because then if I have my first grade not be so hot then it will take an awful lot to fix it

94.4 in Calc because I totally kicked that last exam's booty....woot!

93 in Drama....one grade in there too and it'll stay that way until this next half

101.12 in biotech...it's sad in there. I have a test on friday that will be a complete piece of cake....good cake too

and band...no grades but something tells me that it's an A

So technically.....ALL A's!! woot! I may give a speech afterall

and I went up a rank too. So I'm 9th

So apparently someone had a worse last trimester than I did

so yay

the end

I wrote this on tuesday, i saved it as a draft, posted on wednesday so let's see what day Blogger marks this as...

The Something

I went shopping again today.

I got my skirt. It's white, long, and flowy. and I'm actually going to wear it....in public....to school....

wow

Now all I need to do is keep this motivation

I got some uber sweet sunglasses today too. They were pretty cheap and not exactly what I was wanting, so this means I can live with these and if I find better ones, these ones now won't have been a complete waste of money. They have silver metal frames and blue mirrored lenses. I wanted silver mirrored, but hey.

hmmm

I ordered my Prom shoes today. I stole the idea from Sam, so I officially give all credit to her. Amen.

I ordered solid, completely, 100% white high top converses. They had no lavender. And then I had Prom 2006 put on the side of them. And I plan on having a sharpie with me at AfterProm and then all my friends can sign my shoes.

Woot!

And Matt has a REALLY scary away message up, lol. And just to be...something...I'll post it on here:

Ooooo.... Hot......... Steamy............Naked......... sexiness...........=-O I'm in the shower

yep...thats my boyfriend. hehehe he amuses me. that's why I love him. It's not because he's gorgeous, or sweet, or funny, or caring, or too nice to me, or smart....it's because he's weird. lol

He played ULTIMATE FRISBEE today. hehe whenever I say that I make my voice go really low. hehe

Ok, woah, I remember now.

Life is awesome.

That's my Xanga post.

And life is awesome. everything is going so well. I don't see why I complain about anything anymore. Probably habit.

I dunno

Bye

The Dress, Camera, and Motivation

Ok, so I saw this dress I kinda liked on the internet. and I saw a few colors I kinda liked.

so we travel down to take a look at this dress. They have it in blue in my size. Not in the pink one I liked. Well they had a pink one, it was just a size 4....yeah right. So I tried on the blue. It was a size too big, but I liked it. So we put it on hold.

Then we went to another shop....everything was hideous

We ate at Red Lobster

We went back to original place. Decided to check out a few other colors. So we grabbed a lavender one that was in my size. I tried both on. And then I was stuck trying to figure out which color I wanted.....I didn't originally like lavender because I don't want to feel like I'm wearing an Easter dress, but I had worn blue last year to prom. Sigh....so I did what any normal teenage girl would do. Ask her boyfriend and her best friend. What I didn't anticipate was them picking opposite ones....Matt said lavender, Sam said blue, I said damnit. So I had to go with lavender because go with the boy since he's the date. Then at the register there was a really pretty necklace with matching earrings. And with that set and the dress and some undergarments it was cheaper than last year's dress alone. so that is uber awesome.

Then we went to go find shoes. I saw nothing. And I'm starting to think about doing what sammy is doing and wearing converses with the dress. I know I can find them in lavender. I know! I'll take a picture of the dress with my new camera and take it with me tomorrow!

My dad gets rewards every 5 or so years he works, so for 40 years we picked a digital camera. this camera is the coolest thing in the world! I love it! I can finally take pictures all the time!!! yay! I better get a memory card here soon though, so I can take pictures at Disney.

I was checking Matt's xanga wishing he'd post something, but I realized, hey, it's not like I posted anything recently. So in order to give him some motivation , I had to post something.

I really want to buy King Kong. Too bad I'm broke.

Tomorrow I'm going FL shopping. Check out some shorts, shoes, I need to find a top that matches my new dress pants, and I need some undershirts because I have this really cute top but it's see through and it has holes in it and yeah....

here's the kicker: I want to buy a skirt.

GASP SHOCK AWE

Caitlin's turning into a girl!!!

The big long flowy bohemian ones.

GASP SHOCK AWE

ah well, it was bound to happen sometime.

I'll probably lose this desire tomorrow anyway.

Now I just need this game to be over with soon so I can call Matthew.

The Result

ok so April 21, 22, 23 is out

and to think I was talking about it with others only a few minutes before and I was so happy

denial is over

i need to go find a hole to curl up in now...

The Dentist

argh I had this long dramatic description of my ordeal at the dentists....but then the internet cut out and I lost it.

Basically, I had to get a shot and I didn't even expect it one bit, so I jerked to the side and cried... a lot...

thus proves my needle-phobia.

When you shake for 15 minutes afterward....yeah

So anyway. How did my first of 26 days of Hell go?

The denial is still there. It'll wear off soon, I know.

So Mr Cleaver came to the musical on friday, in hopes that it would fail. Turns out he left at intermission and never came back lol. Then today he had the nerve to say he enjoyed the play. We wanted to ask him what his favorite part of the second act was.

We're watching and reading The Turn of the Screw. It's about sexual repression. This governess needs to get laid. Badly. And our paper is to prove that it's not about sexual repression....even though it is. Anyway, the governess breaks the little boy's neck because she gets a bit too excited. It was so weird.

Calculus was ok. I seem to be grasping all the concepts ok without my Matthew. I got a 126/140 on the test, so not too bad at all. Then we asked if we'd have homework over spring break. He said no. And he thought we were all sticking around here. So me, Dumais, Weaver, Owen, and Felicia were like no. We're going to Florida.

and then there was the question: Why are you going to florida?

Felicia says "we're going with the band!!!"

...

The laughter was deafening. I even laughed because wow, we're losers. lol and Felicia was like "i don't get it"....

poor girl

well i g2g to the band meeting. I'll finish later

The Week

is over

and if I wasn't in a bad mood before....it turns out i really do have a cavity in my mouth and it's getting drilled out tomorrow....and it's in between my teeth....

I'm in denial. I felt pretty bad once he left and so I sat in the driveway for about 15 minutes until my mom realized i was still out there. i got a little frantic when I was inside where I was upset so that i just kept on talking really fast and didn't stop even when i really didnt have anything to say. I wanted to sleep. But I didn't. Couldn't.

So I've been doing pretty well so far. But like I said, I'll be in a really bad mood tomorrow. I'm sorry for all my friends.

I'm not able to feel much of anything right now, so I'll just report on what happened and how Matt is corrupting me into being a rebel.

Wow, I really can't remember much from this week. Monday we had Beef's. And I am certain that Matt stayed a lot longer than he should have, lol. (as he did....hmm....every night lol)

And it wasnt half bad because....TUESDAY WAS A SNOW DAY! yay! Matt came over and I think that we watched Hidalgo that day, then we decided to go to Kenwood to get stuff for Matthew's tux. Well they didn't have what we needed. They didnt have anything even close. We ate at Cheescake Factory. Matt had never been there. Somehow he managed to eat a lot of bread, his meal, and the entire slice of cheesecake he got. He's crazy. I had some of the whip cream though : ) after that we headed to Folchi's, which didnt have what we wanted. Then we went to K&G (i think that's what it's called, but if Matt's dad asks....we didn't go there) They didn't have much....some plastic pimp hats though. Then we went to Tri-County and wandered around there for a bit. We eventually checked out Men's Warehouse and there was a vest he liked. Men's Warehouse is on the bottom floor. Matt, being the genius that he is (i love you sweetie), led us up the escalator, out the doors to the parking garage and down the stairs out there. I saved the day by realizing that all we had to do was walk out the opposite entrance on the first floor and the car would be right there. Yet another late night.

Wednesday we went with his friends to see V for Vendetta. That movie is hilarious. V is so funny. And he takes out everybody with knives. Definitely fits in with the other movies and books I've read recently. Matt couldn't stay too late that night because he went out to meet his friends. It was kinda nice though that a girl in my grade went with us too. Of course I already knew most of Matt's friends, but it's different when it's someone you were best friends with in elementary school.

Thursday.....i don't remember much. I just know that it was 11 and then it was 12:30 and that really sucked. we didn't get caught though!

Friday we saw the play, which was uber awesome. Prince Kirk and everything. Jeff and J.T. were there and they also were at Friday's afterwards so we got to talk to them a bit. And we got back around 1 and Matt left at 3. Though Matt told his dad we were at Friday's until 3....see how much of a rebel he is??? jeez...and in front of me: the impressionable youth. you know, there is like, no space in between the couch and the coffee table.

Saturday....Matt's txt woke me up at 12. so i had to shower and eat and vacuum at top speed. Then we watched (seriously sammy) Empire Strikes Back, and my parents left to see the play and Matt and I left shortly after to go out to eat with his parents to the Claddaugh. We got back about 9 and my parents got home about 10:30. apparently, it was a really good thing that we knew about the scores from the bball games and knew what happened on a tv show....my dad was worried about us being there alone.....lol......yeah

Today.....Matt showed about 1. I actually did cry in front of him...which i still feel kinda stupid for. We stalled for 7 hours....and he left. well actually Matt was in Athens at 3. well that's what Matt told his dad when he called as he was laying on my bed.....he's a rebel. who knows when i'll go bad....

sigh. i keep on falling asleep. i need to do this biotech project now....

The Water

I have been drinking pretty much nothing but water for 3 weeks now.....

I think i'm finally going to die

I can't remember what anything else tastes like...

I better lose some amount of weight from drinking all this.

I just ate a granola bar like it was the first time I've had anything to eat in days. It feels like it...stupid water...

Yay! I get to go to Beef's tonight! It's Butlerville Elem night. I was sad because I figured I'd never get to go again....Now I get to! yay! I'm addicted to the food there and I don't know why. It's crazy.

OK....what to talk about... I guess Saturday through today so far.

Saturday Matt showed up about 4 because he had to help his dad in the morning. We watched Mentor lake Catholic get CRUSHED by....hmm I can't remember....something Black Bears.

Then we talked for a bit and went Laser tagging. woot!! Matt had never been before. it was Awesome! It was me, Matt, beth, bob, and scotty. There were about 5359876295842759 people there and I sucked the whole time. I only got shot 8 times in the last game though. And my accuracy sucked because I would shoot a person twice even when it already took the first shot. So I had overkill accuracy. Beth and I were making fun of the boys because they were so sweaty. Well, Matt and Bob were noticably. Scotty not so much. Not saying he wasn't as manly as the other two. Beth and I were laughing at the testosterone levels. I really want to go again now....sigh....and it was a lot of fun. ooo and I got the ball in the 10000 hole at skeeball! woot! i was so proud.

so then matt came back here and I saw the end of Office Space. which was interesting. then a movie called Hustle (i think) came on. I still have never seen that. and he was supposed to leave at 2.....it was about 2:30....eh who cares? lol what's half an hour? it's not like it was almost 2 hours past.

So yesterday I woke up repeatedly at weird times in the morning and I have no idea when matt showed up.....2ish maybe? We watched Equilibrium. That movie is so cool. It's like 1984, Brave New World, Matrix, and AeonFlux all into one. The little kids are creepy, they take drugs, cool fighting, and evil governments. And I'll probably be continuing this trend with V for Vendetta, which I think I'm seeing wednesday. as long as the rest of the big kids realize they can't go to a late show seeing as I have school. hm or an early one. but honestly, what college kid would wake up early by choice on a break?

haha wow, I just realized that this is spring break. I should be thankful that Matt is not in Panama with scantily clad women giving him drinks with umbrellas in them. hmm....no wait...that's a vision for someone slightly older....hmm ok....take a bunch of college kids.....add guys with the maturity level of a 5 year old.....hmmm yeah good thing he's here, lol.

So then Matt left to meet his dad to go do something then he came back at around 8 and helped my with my calc homework. He was supposed to leave by 10-10:30. he told his dad 11. so when it was 11, he called for an extra half hour, which he received....11:30.....11:35.....11:40....11:45 yeah better leave. so he left after another 5 minutes of stalling. I walk back into my room and my mom is sitting there. Yep....

ok so 2 hours over what I said.....yeah.....lol.....at least she wasn't mad. just amused she had caught me or whatever. hey, it could have been worse. they could've woken up and matt would still there.....hmmm maybe i should clean under my bed..... ;-)

i dunno. school sucks. It's only been 2 weeks and I'm ready for it to be over.

The State Game

We lost.... :-(

But we still love that team. They gave us one hell of a season.

And as usual we outnumbered the other team 2-1. there were so many LM people there, it was crazy. And it was awesome when the band walked in and everyone started cheering for us. :-)

Our bus driver decided that 45 mph on the highway was the best way to go. So we lost about 30 minutes that we thought we would have. So no getting food beforehand. We pulled in and I was like "I see da boat! I see da boat!" and then I saw Matthew far off when I was getting off the bus. And we went into the lobby and there he was! yay! of course then we all had to go back outside and walk to the loading docks. then after the game I rode back with Matt and then we watched Snatch. I didn't even know half the names of the people until after the movie was over and the menu would loop the names, lol. ...i still don't get it though...

then we stalled for about 2 hours, he finally got ready to leave, then half an hour later I said "I thought you were leaving?" lol

tonight we may go lazer tagging. i dunno. beth was supposed to ask people to go, but i highly doubt she did. it's not fun with just a few people. you need a HUGE group. if it's just going to be her and bob i don't think i'll go.

i may go see a movie, but there isn't much out besides vendetta.

yay week!

The Head Cold

I went out into the kitchen with a mission. A mission to successfully swallow a Zicam chewable

and i did! I just plugged my nose and chewed until i could swallow. Woot! It wasn't that bad.

See how I've been pushed to get rid of my cold? It's weird. My body feels fine, I just have a headache and I'm slightly congested. My throat feels a lot better and I haven't coughed for several hours....which is great! I'll probably just be a little achy tomorrow.

Senior Breakfast...woot. They gave us crappy food and there was a slideshow on the wall of all the baby pictures that the seniors had brought in. And they weren't labeled. So basically everyone had to say "That's me!" I was the cutest little kid in the history of mankind. I have no idea how my parents put up with me though. I was SO loud and SO bossy. I'm still the same, but....it's different.

They did have karaoke. But Stephen was sick today so no Kyle-him duet like we wanted. I did actually sign up with whoever I could drag. But they bell rang before we could do it. It's surprising that I, Caitlin, had to make others do it with me. Generally it's the other way around. I just remember that I was at Carolyn's birthday party a few summers back and Sam and I did Summer Nights from Grease. So that's what I made her sign up with me to do. I had me, Sam, Angie, Carolyn, and some other people ready to go. But the stupid bell rang. I was going to be John Travolta and pop my collar and be a Greaser. sigh....maybe after-prom like Angie suggests. It's not like anyone there pays attention to who's singing.

It's Thursday! I got to stop thinking a day early.

I stopped by Jon's house for about 10 minutes. He doesn't look half bad besides the weird swelling of his stomach and hips. Yep, he has bigger hips than me. It's kinda scary. and he still has an IV in his arm, which he tortured me with. Blood is no problem with me. But needles? holes in your arm with things sticking into them? uh no. My mom said I can't ever get married, because I apparently have to have blood drawn for that, and screw ever having kids. I will pay them to knock me out before they stick it in. Of course, I'll probably freak out when I wake up and see it.

oh good, it's not going to snow tonight. I just saw a huge bolt of lightning and heard some thunder. I better bundle up on the bus tomorrow.

I get to see Matt tomorrow! yay! i just hope i feel better by then....sigh

which is why I'm getting to bed here soon. My body needs to kick this cold's booty.

The Ralph Lauren model

sophisticated. snazzy.

I'm supposed to be doing my Calc business letter.

Matt figured out KMAG (embarrassing....) and then the premonition (hehe i was so right)

he told me i was cute

lol

i get to somewhat play dress-up-matt for prom! woot! though he can't look hotter than me because thats just not cool :-p

i also must remain clever for him and cute

i miss him.

2ish days

he'll be at the game! yay!

my neice will probably be going to the game on friday which is awesome! and then afterwards we are all going to go out to eat. then matthew will drop me off at my house. hopefully i'll get to see him for a bit later that day. and then saturday he wants to go see a movie, but i may not be back from the game till really late, so that may or may not work. the latest movie they are showing is V for Vendetta.

I don't know what else to say....

The Game

The Girls Basketball team ROCKS! We are now headed to the final four in the state! YAY!

This is awesome because this week the sophs and frosh are taking the OGT's, so I have a 2 hour delay EVERY day and we have no school on Friday so we can all go to Columbus to see the game! YAY! easy week! woot!

great equation for procrastination

I really liked being in the student section for a change. With the band, we are so disjointed. We stand off really far away from everyone else and no one really cares the watch the game. We're not part of the action, we just get told to play fight song every once in a while. I REALLY don't want to go with pep band on friday...sigh, but i'll have to...at least I'll have a better ride home! :-)

When they win on Friday, the next game is Saturday....I really wanna go.....but I dunno....Hopefully my mom and I can talk my dad into going. OSU really isn't that bad of a drive I suppose. And at least I won't get lost, because I've been there before and I'm pretty good and remembering how to get places. I can drive from here to Matt's and I wouldn't get lost once. Of course, it's a pretty easy shot to get there, but still. I would go 35, 50, then 32. I really like that way...

Titanic is such a depressing movie...great movie...too bad I hate Leo...he sucks. And it's all lovey dovey...I like love stories/sappy movies, I really do! but when you're missing someone...i want to yell "WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME?"

So I turned to Batman....and that got all lovey dovey too....

I think this is one of my bad days. Where I miss him the most. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning....unlikely but hey....i need a hug....

or I need to go dream

here are some of the BEST chants from last nights game:

• No School Friday! (yay!)
• You can't do that! (you suck)
• You're getting yelled at! (haha that's why there's a timeout)
• How'd you get here? (yeah really)
• This game's over! (yep!)
• Push it! (haha)

Ya gotta love it.

Sigh...I need to be cheered up.

Sam thought KMAG was funny

you promised you wouldn't run away...lol you'll regret that

The Springtime

I know it's spring now because for the first time in many months, it is not completely silent outside at night. All I can hear are crickets. Which is good, because 'Yay warm weather' but I hate bugs so.... blegh

It's supposed to be in the 70s on Sunday....which means we are all going to burn up. But 70% chance of rain. Warm rain is ok with me.

I'm actually kinda concerned because it's been over 2 hours and the feeling in my fingertips has not come back yet.

Oh, my ear popped today! yay! This means I'll get my hearing back!

Wow, I'm tired...

I'm going to the girls game tomorrow night. It should be uber sweet. I'll report on that outcome once I get home.

I finished all my homework before band so yay!

I need to do my best to keep that motivation.

yay tomorrow's friday! you know what that means?

Well it means no homework that night....AND i get to see Matt in a week, lol

tomorrow's the 10th too....cooooooooooool

I don't really know what else to talk about...I just am tired, sore, and I miss somebody.

Jon just called. He has pneumonia, or however you spell that. I feel really bad because I'd like to go see him, but 1) i have no idea when I'd have the time and 2) our family's don't want us to see each other...even if one of us is in the hospital. Kate showed up with cards and stuff for him...I didn't know she was doing that, and if I sent him something, his family would probably take it away or something. I don't see how Jon and I could be friends if our family's can't even handle us talking to each other. It's hard.

I miss Matt the most at times like this. I want him here to make things better. For just a little while, nothing else matters. I can completely relax.

I dunno...now i need to cheer up...

The Lactic Acid

is in my neck and shoulders. I didn't even have to carry anything in my left arm and it hurts just as bad. I've been stretching all day to try to help, but no success. I need a back massage or something....wow that sounds really good right now...now all i need is someone to do it for me.

The girls basketball team rocks. They better win this friday or the whole school will kill them. The game is at 7:30, somewhere above Dayton, near the airport. Sam, Steph, Angie and I are riding up together for the game. It should be uber sweet. And if they win, then the entire school district will get a snow day next friday so we can travel to Columbus to see them at State. That game is at 1. If we win that one, then there will be a game that next day on Saturday, but I don't know if I could make that :-\ I want to, but driving to Columbus two days in a row isn't that appealing. But who knows. I guess it all depends on even if we get that far and how I feel at the time. Plus, they better win this friday because then I will get to see Matt there next friday. Yes, I admit, I care ever so slightly more if they win this because of him, but hey, I'm going to cheer on the team. Who cares about motives? ;-)

I am in a really good mood for when he gets here. I just started thinking. The only real plans we have is the game and lazer tagging on some day. I guess it's the just spending time together that makes me happy. Well duh, it should anyway, but I mean the "sit around and talk" times. Nothing scheduled, just us hanging out.

Darnit, I forgot to tell Sam about the premonition...I don't get to see Sammy much anymore :-( she has internship and will be gone by lunch everyday. I only have one class with her, though calc kinda counts since the two classes are going to go at the same pace, so we'll share homeworks.

I'm not sure how I could randomly mention my premonition though. We'll have to get into guy talk or something. KMAG, she'll enjoy and it could be pretty random.

I like Da Boat

that was random

I just wanted to type that for some reason...

Matt has pretty much succeeded in having me not as scared about the 110. And Carolyn is pretty optimistic about it. Though she'll probably be the shell shocked one. Seeing as she doesnt get some simple jokes (which resulted in Tyler explaining them, so yeah, they were pretty bad) then from what I gather, either Carolyn won't get it, or she'll be really embarassed/freaked out/whatever. Now all we need is Kyle. His mom will probably talk him out of it though. A big time committment right away and a 3.5 to keep and all the extra HTC stuff we'll most likely have to do. Which is why I want to make a fairly simple fall quarter. I say, bare minimum hours, and not a whole lot of required things, unless it's the only time it's available.

Actually, before all that, I need to take some lessons. If I want any chance at all. Marching I should be OK with at least. Playing? it's iffy. Actually, it's more of a "if I'm going to do this, then I want to do it well"

I dunno...I'm still thinking...

Hi, I miss Matt. It's going to be really weird after spending over a week with him, and then he's gone again. If I didn't have Disney, I'd go see him sooner afterwards. It'll be 2 weeks, Disney week, then one week and I'll see him.

:-\ a month....

that sucks

but i won't think about that. Because denial is awesome. Let me be happy now.

The Title

I dunno why I even came here to post. I don't have anything to talk about.

I am really happy right now though. Life rocks.

Besides the fact that I think I may have permanately screwed up my right ear.

Due to me listening to my iPod on kill.

On the note of my premonition and operation KMAG: hm actually i'll tell sam about them. Seeing as we now have a few terms to describe certain...extra-curricular activities, but i do feel kinda juvenile about coming up with that stuff though. But, it's a girl thing. We are always plotting. I plotted KMAG; it happened sorta. I was going to plot something else, but i had a premonition and it came true, so no plotting required.

I dunno

Have you ever been so amazingly happy and exactly 1 second later you get so upset you tear up? Yeah that happened to me about a minute ago. I'm like "yay i am allowed to smother matt and he won't run away!" and then I'm like "crap i won't see him for a decent while"

I have band practice tomorrow. This actually does help pass the time I don't see Matt. The more I'm involved in things, the less I get sad he's gone. Well, it's not that I'm less sad....argh how to explain this without making it seem like I'm ignoring him....

hmm It lets me have lots of little things to look forward to. Stuff that divides the time, so it doesn't seem as long.

EXAMPLE - if you take 32 between here and Athens, you will be so bored

or if you take 32, 50, 35, and then get on 22-3, it seems a LOT sh0rter because you divide it into smaller pieces

and it's still 3 hours

I want to go lazer tagging

Beth and I are going to organize a tazer tag session. We are going to have the whole Elite (aka the saxes) form an alliance and kill everyone. It'll be awesome. and Matthew will come and help in our saxophone crusade. Scotty said they have unlimited sessions on fridays from 8 to midnight or something. woot! ooo and Megan will get to go too!

Missi isn't going to that competition in akron, so that trip is out, and we're not going to the large group contest, so that saturday is free!

I will be missing for 10 days in march. you may see me at school though. i will most likely be checking the time continuously and fidgeting in my seat, looking at the door.

I dunno what to talk about....

I played the scary Flood level on Halo, then I had to do the Library. it wasn't as bad as I thought, seeing as this is the first time i've played it. I have 2 levels left now. one of these, i'm very familiar with, and then the last one is where i have to blow up the ship

I'll hit Halo 2 next. I've never played any of that game. An early bit co-op, but never alone.

I really really love that shotgun in that game.....

The Way It Is

sucks :-(

I didn't get any sleep on the way back, because I didn't feel well enough to. But the trip did seem a lot shorter. Which was nice, of course. I highly suggest this route for those who might get bored or something.

It's amazing how you can feel two emotional extremes exactly 24 hours apart.

I give a lot of credit to those people out there that have to deal with their significant other being somewhere else all the time and not being able to see them much. I don't know how they do it. My only comfort is that I'm going to go there.

I can't help but think of this weekend and smile though.

We got to the hotel at 2:08. I remember. They didn't have the room ready though, so I called Matt and we met him at the CBS. I was so happy. We bought my dad a hoodie and a hat, then walked my mom back to her car and gave her directions back to the hotel. Matt and I went to his room and watched some videos on his comy, then we left to go to the ULTIMATE FRISBEE GAME *said in uber deep announcer voice, of course* . We couldn't get the field we wanted so we all crammed into a car and went to the rugby fields. The game was interesting. Matt can run really really fast. I remember my freshman year, Matt, Joel, and Craig had a race and silly me, I thought I could be with them. I am a pretty rast runner, of course I never am in a situation where I run alot, so I'm a bit slower than I used to be, but I kept pace with them ok. Matt was talking about how fast the other people were, but he's the only one I saw running. Of course, this may be due to the fact that he was the only one I was watching. :-)

After the game we went to CiCi's pizza, then Matt's friends left to go play with the puppies next door, and Matt and I went and killed mutant zombies/aliens on the Area 51 game :-) I figure Beth better go to Lazer Web when Matt's home on Spring Break, and there better be a huge crowd, because it'd be a lot of fun killing everyone with Matt. I know the terrain there really well.

We went back to Matt's room and watched Red vs Blue, which is HILARIOUS. We also watched 50 year old virgin, and Matt liked it. That movie is the greatest. Then we watched Fight Club...which is really weird...but I like weird movies. I'd probably watch it again soon. It was around midnight then, so we took a drive around Athens, and we went to the Ridges was was slightly creepy at night, but the creepyness really is just because I knew it was an insane asylum. And also, the buildings don't have names...they have numbers. So it also kills that familiarity feel. After that we went 'close' to Radar hill, it was freezing, but we looked at the stars for a little bit.

When it was finally 1:30, I basically wanted to say "screw 1:30", but that might have been a bit forward ;-) lol

We got back to the hotel and watched K-Pax till 4:30 with my mom. Matt left and we got about....3 1/2 hours of sleep until Matt came back. We went back to Read and watched Batman Begins in the lounge, and when that was over we drove around West Green and I saw where Matt is planning on living next year. The outside alone let me see that these were pretty nice places. A bit out of walking distance, but hey

We went back to Radar Hill and took about a 2-mile hike to get to it lol but it was a lot warmer and I wasnt shaking. I never really started shaking from the cold until this year. It's really annoying when you have to look at your muscles and practically tell them aloud to stop contracting. It's just so annoying because I do it all the time now....I can't wait for warm weather. Matt and I will probably go back to that hill in april because it'll be a lot warmer and maybe there will be leaves! I miss leaves.

I'm actually afraid to even try out for the 110 now lol. I just don't do well at all with being made fun of, put on the spot etc., and his bus stories scare me lol. I dunno, my emotions just suck. I need to get some tougher skin, but it's all a matter of when that happens.

We were slightly late getting back to the CBS to meet my mom, but I got an OU t-shirt. I really should have gotten that black and white OHIO track jacket though. I'll buy one in april. I wouldn't be able to wear it until around then anyway. We went out for some lunch then drove Matt back to his room, where we had left 50 year old virgin. Then.....I left. I congratulate myself on keeping it together in front of Matt for the.....5th time now.

Digging a small hole, crawling into it, and covering myself with a blanket for 11 days doesn't seem like a bad idea right now. Sure it's a pretty crappy coping strategy, but eh, I'm tired anyway.

My premonition was right by the way, I wasn't going to tell you what it was, if you remember that conversation a few days ago. ;-D

The Day Before

Yay tomorrow!

I woke up this morning at 7:30, said "crap this is too early" and went back to bed.

Woke up at 8:30 and decided yet again, too early

Woke up at 9:30 to the phone ringing. I don't pick up when I'm home alone, but I still ran out there to listen to the message in case it was my mom. the message said, "Caitlin! This is Mr. Allen! Your mom is on her way home so get Matt out of your room. Also be at the high school at 3:30 for pep band and be sure to wear your band shirt. K, thanks, bye"

I got a similar one at 9:45 on my cell. Mr. Allen must've been more comfortable leaving a message on my cell because it basically was the same message, he just added a bit about underwear after Matt getting out of my room......that man is weird.

But the girls bball team completely crushed Kenton Ridge. It was around a 60-30 game at the end.

Apparently Kyle is madly in love with Matt. Beth is going on a date with Bob (an extremely nerdy kid in my grade but he's still awesome!) and they are going lazer tagging (sigh I love to shoot people) and Beth was like, hey Caitlin! Kyle! you guys can go with us! and I had to say for the 50th time "I'm going to Athens tomorrow" and then Kyle said "Well I'm not going to Athens!" and then went into some rant about how he's in love with Matt but no one is supposed to know. The only significant thing that I can say about this is that he went on and on for about a minute. That's ok. I think Matt's hot too.

We were trying to find things for Beth and Bob to talk about tomorrow. Basically it all came down to is talk about Star Wars. yay SW!

It got me thinking. Because "watching" RotJ is not really all that geeky. What would be geeky is if someone said "Wait, hold on, this is my favorite part!"

This would result in a person becoming single lol.

And for some reason Beth thought I had a crush on Bob....and she was worried because she didn't want to have competition. And I just looked at her and asked her if she realized that I have a boyfriend. Hmmm....well I hope she has fun shooting Kyle and Nellie. Nellie is an easy target of course. No offense to her.

I'm actually trying to get Beth to do lazer tagging again when Matt gets here. It's be nice to team up and kill everybody.

YAY tomorrow! I have to wake up at 8, then get my hair cut at 10:30 then go to Athens. Check in at 2, watch some frisbee action at 4 and who knows what else till about 1:30 in the morning, get a minimal amount of sleep and then see Matt for the short time I have until we check out at 11. Maybe we could go do something early and then not eat breakfast until after 11 with my mom. It would buy us more time.

:-( I wish I had a longer weekend...I'll be seeing you in....under 15 hours

The Video Games, Band, and Trimester

The weather is getting so nice now! A tad windy, but very sunny. It's been awesome to be driving with Sam and we have to crack the windows because it's so hot.

I had AP Government today....I missed one whole ID. I had no idea what McCulloch v Maryland was, despite me looking it up last night. I think I did awesome on the rest though.

After that I sat in the back of the room watching everyone do their physics test. I just played a lot of sudoku...

Mr. Gray did the funniest thing ever today. Danny went up there complaining about some problem and finally after Mr. Gray had basically told him to sit down and shutup, Mr. Gray whips out a communicator, it beeps a few times, and he says "Scotty, beam up this idiot for me."

it was awesome. I love that man, lol.

I'm glad he's my homeroom teacher.

After that, Sam and I went to Beef's. I was so hungry....I actually ate all of my chicken for the first time ever and didn't pick it apart or anything.

I went home, fell asleep, and didn't wake up again until 6:30.

On video games, this is my analysis of why I am kinda skittish about them. This is not a bash on Jon.

Ok, I like playing video games. I like watching people play video games. I like playing video games with other people. But after you've sat there day after day doing nothing but watch another person play video games, it gets a bit annoying. I was jealous of video games. I had Jon over and my Xbox got more attention than I did. I tried to talk to him about it several times, but he just got angry. I also had a problem about him playing video games on the phone. I called him, I wanted to talk to him, I didnt want commentary about whatever game he's playing. I once sat for 7 straight hours at a party which Jon's family took us to and watched Jon play NFSU2. Same thing at a New Years Party I went to. I watched Jon play Halo 2. Same thing when I went to his house. I watched him play computer games.

I don't have anything against games. I like to play them. I just figure if I'm with someone I care about, I don't want to play video games the whole time. That's not spending time with someone. That's sitting next to them and looking at a TV. You may argue that watching movies is essentially the same thing, but with movies you are aware of your surroundings. Your mind isnt occupied with active thoughts. You just get to relax and be comfortable.

My point, as I recently discovered for the first time today, is that there are plenty of better ways to spend time with someone. I just get scared that all of it will be games.

On a good note, I'm not as freaked out about games anymore. I just was then. Jon knows that I had issues about it and he is sorry about it. So I don't have any hard feelings. The End. I've learned that video games arent bad and that you can have fun with people in all sorts of ways.

This trimester is OVER! YAYA!!! nothing to worry about for the rest of the week and weekend! yay weekend!

the 3 hour drive won't be too exciting but it'll be worth it. My e-mail has been acting up recently, so I may write a quick thank you to Dr Tanda and I guess drop it off in his mailbox or something...? I dunno.

I'm just really excited for this weekend! YAY! I don't think I'll be getting much sleep this weekend but I don't care. Seeing Matt is better than any dreams I could have anyway. I don't want to sleep away time then. I will once I leave though... :-(

ok band

If I hadn't joined Marching Band:

• I'd be a very lonely person
• I'd have no one to date (lol)
• I would be playing Flute
• I would be going to Miami or OSU
• I would have no close friends
• I would have nothing to do this spring break
• I would not have an ego problem (yeah marching gives me one...)
• I would know a lot less people
• I would still think Mr Allen was weird
• I would be a stupid Concert Band kid
• I wouldn't get into football and basketball games for free ;-)
• I would have no idea how football is played
• I wouldn't be wearing an OU shirt right now
• I would have nothing to do this weekend
• and etc.

So I'd like to extend a thank you to a few people.

Thank you Nichole for coming home everyday from band camp and calling me, telling me how awesome it is and that I should join. Thank you for telling me all the crazy things like when Jeff got hit in the head with a mallet.

Thank you Mr. Allen for telling me I had to join or else.

Thank you Laura Rothwell for being my tour guide at freshman orientation and telling me I should join. Thank you for being my Senior Buddy.

Thank you Sammy for becoming one of my best friends in band. So many good memories from that year.

Thank you Matt for being the senior guy I really looked up to that year when it came to marching since I just jumped in without a band camp behind me even though we never even talked to each other.

Those are a few of the people who really helped me get started and helped me through when I was struggling.

I have band practice next week and a parade next weekend. Woot! I actually enjoy parades the most. Second favorite is fundamentals. Yeah I'm weird but when you can do them and not feel like you're about to die, you'll enjoy that fact too. Especially when you do them forever and it doesn't hurt.

I hate the commands the most. I have so much trouble remembering them. Those practices are the worst...

The end.

The Exams

My grades were not salvageable...and I didn't try my hardest this trimester. But I'll kick some massive butt next trimester and go down with a bang.

Actually I'm hoping to do that tomorrow in Maupin's. Totally cream everyone on this exam. It won't raise my grade, but it'd be nice to turn some heads.

Tomorrow is it. I'm done. Trimester over.

11 down, 1 to go.

woot!

I think I did pretty good on my playing test in band. Some minor problems with getting notes out, like the C, but I kept going and didnt stop. I hope I get somewhere near the top :-) some confidence is what I need. and I really need to start taking lessons.

Goals for next trimester:

1. Follow all the rules so I don't have to take exams
2. Get A's so I won't have to worry about exams anyway
3. Take sax lessons
4. Get my license
5. Go to some track meets and see Missi kick butt
6. Start exercising or dieting or something healthy
7. hmmm...Have fun!

Yay goals.

Much better than my old "steal matt's LM jacket" and "kill people"

So yeah...Yay 2ish days! We may go ice skating on Sunday but that does depend on when I'm heading out that day.

I can type tis semtemce with me eyes closed

hmm apparently not...i suck at typing anyway....stupid keyboard

hmm according to this poll, I am 40% blonde. that's crazy. But it had dumb questions. Like: is your room pink? do you like to shop? do you own a lot of makeup?

first of all, I'm not a very pink girl...well in the spring I have tons of pink shirts, but that's because I love my button down shirts. I like to shop, but I don't ever buy much. I'm a browser. Yeah I own a ton of makeup. Basically because I never throw anything away. And I don't even use a lot of makeup anyway. Every morning I put on some eyeliner (because I recently discovered how to put it on) and some chapstick and lip gloss. I don't think moisturizer counts seeing as I have my dry skin problem and I'd put that on anyway.

SOOOOO anyway. mork. so yeah. yeah so. os haey. yesoah.

hmm goodnight

The Surveys

I like filling them out. I don't know why. I guess I like being asked questions. Then I can reply honestly since I'm not really talking to anyone in particular.

Well I got my official "you got more money" letter from OU. woot.

Matt's friends seem...interesting lol. no jk, I'm going to be ok. I'm going to be protected by a man with a plastic disk.

PLASTIC DISK OF DOOM!!!!!!

weird mood

I'm studying for my Anat exam tomorrow....it's going to suck... :-(

English....I'm screwed

and that's all for my optimism tonight, folks!

I'm tired, I just got a cramp in my leg....and......i'm cold.....i wish it was this weekend....my kitten scratched my leg up really bad earlier.....the sky is black....i'm a blonde....we have this thing called oxygen

yay complaining

i don't have much to talk about... If you want some news, do something newsworthy.

The World

sucks

I don't know why I'm in such a bad mood. I was fine earlier.

I'm so frustrated...

I'm actually taking in a small bit of pleasure eating these teddy grahams because I'm mutilating them as I chew...

sigh

I need to find someone to vent to. I just dont know what my problem is so I'll probably end up complaining about several things that don't bother me, I'm just so desperate to find something to bother me.

I need a name for my pain.

I am so angry and I have nothing to aim it at...

I might play Halo and kill lots of Covenant.

But I'm also sad. So after I go on my death rampage I'll probably become really depressed.

I've hit one of my lows...I just hope it doesn't stay all week because I have a long time till I feel better on Saturday.

I'll feel better on Saturday. I guess that's a huge comfort to me. I'm not even sure what I'm doing or even if I'll get to spend some time alone with Matt, I'm just glad I'll get to see him. And then 2 weeks until he's on spring break. I'll have to share, but hey. He can be shared while I'm at school. After that's done, he's mine lol, jk. And you know...if he's not busy or anything....i dunno....it'd be nice.....well.....to get a ride home i suppose.... :-D jk i know he's got crap to do, i just hate waiting till my dad gets there to pick me up all the time.

i'm actually in a better mood now because i was thinking all sorts of suggestive things to type... haha i'm weird... it's nice to joke around about stuff... even if it's only in your head.

you wanna know what i was going to type now, don't you?? haha i did the same thing to stephen last week. Sam and I were discussing some things in relation to our boyfriends and Stephen came in at a random part and wanted to know what we were laughing about. haha he'll never know

The Boredom

Let's start back where I can remember...

Thursday night we went to Maupin's and scared him and we stood in his house for about an hour talking about Fraggle Rock and we did some plotting. I came home and tried to talk to Matt since he was leaving the next day, but my mom started yelling at me to go to bed and I didn't get to talk to him much.

Friday was ok. We have the possibility of getting the Mill on the Floss assignment taken away by Cleaver. That would be SO awesome.

Anat was ok. We had a free day to look at models (hehehe) we're learning about the reproductive system (hehehe) i dunno, anyway, I just looked at my gov notes the whole time anyway. I've had sex ed stuff twice now, I think I got it. Though it was amazing how much stuff I had to explain to Missi. There were certain things she didnt' know girls had and I had to explain some methods...yeah it was kinda funny. Well, until Tyler found out then he just started laughing and went on to talk about how he's had sex with about 20 girls etc. Good for him...i know i'm proud....

I think I did ok on my gov test...I really need to watch it in there. I'm always so close to a C....and to think I almost had an A but then I took the Danny version of a test and it killed me.

We have playing tests in band for chairs whatnot. It's a song I played two years ago, but I was on flute. It's pretty easy though. I took my sax home to go over it a few more times because this time I want to earn my spot, not just get it because I'm a senior. And if I want to have any shot next year, I better start practicing and maybe even take lessons.

I talked to Matt a few times on Friday when he was on his way to Toledo. Not as long as I normally enjoy talking to him on the phone, but he was on his cell and he was with his friends. He needs to go have some fun. :-)

Yesterday I went to the mall, bought some jeans and a new pair of dress pants. I have no idea what I'm going to wear with those...and I got a couple new shirts and I bought more of my perfume. My mom made me go tanning before that...

Then I came home and played my Xbox all day (besides cleaning) and I watched 40 year old virgin. That movie is hilarious! I'm glad my mom taped it. And it's so sweet at times too.

Matt called after that and it was so nice to hear from him. I wish we could actually talk on the phone everynight, but that would add up to one of us selling a kidney. It's just nice to hear his voice.

My nose is stuffed up so my voice sounds weird...

I went to bed at about 1 because I could get to sleep. I woke up about 8 with a huge headache. Actually, I had a huge headache at about 10 after I had been laying there for 2 hours. I figured maybe I was noticing my hair growing. My mom said I must've been pretty bored to do that. eh I dunno.

I was taken to the tanning place again....I hate tanning. It just feels like a waste of my time...We drive all the way to hop town, get into a glass case for 10 minutes, hop out, and drive all the way home. Waste. Of. Time. The only difference I noticed last year was "hey! this section of my skin is more pink and more painful than this section!" I can't get tan. It is impossible. I will forever be a freakishly pale white girl. I wish I could be the hot tan blonde sexy girl...buutttt....I try not to aim too high.

I came home and got on here. I had tons of stuff to ramble about, but now I can't really think of much....oh yeah, here's 2 things:

MSN always has these relationship articles and I generally read them because I'm curious about what they have to say. And through my limited experience, MSN is right. It's interesting to read something and say "yeah I do that too". OK so yeah, this is kinda a random bit of information, but I dunno. hmmm I dunno

My college loves me. The HTC sent me more stuff. I got a card signed by everyone in my dept (including Bailey ;-) woot! jk) and then Dr. Tanda sent me a book called Bioethics and it's about stem cells and cloning. This was really cool because he asked me how I felt about stuff like that and I told him I didn't really know, because I'm from such a conservative area that no one even mentions that stuff. So he sent me a book to help me form my own opinions. How cool is that?

I have to find ways to entertain myself until Matthew gets back...I think I'll go back to playing KotOR. woot!

6 days until I go to Athens! yay

The Random Post

I'm not sure what I'm posting about.

I'm in a good/sad mood.

I keep on listening to the 110 cd.

I listened to it last night before I went to bed because I have it on my iPod. I put the volume on kill...it was so loud that it was actually vibrating out of my ears. But I like to hear it loud. Makes me remember being there.

I've been to all of Matt's varsity shows. I get points.

They all were so much fun! The first time was with Sam, Steph, and Kelsey. It was awesome. And freaking freezing. We went to the coffee shop and got hot chocolate and we went to the CBS and got merchandise. That was a fun night.

The second time was with Sam, Steph, Kyle, and Stephen. That was even better, and we got to see the game that day too. We saw the band line up at Ping and we left after halftime to go to CBS and etc, then we came back for postgame. Then we all when to a chinese buffet and Matt came and his parents too. The was fun too, despite running into nodnod occasionally.

This last time was uber awesome. I went with Kyle and Stephen. We, well I, couldnt make the one in Athens because of the play, and nobody else really organized a trip, so I said we should go to the Ohio Theater one. We left after school and drove up and stopped at BK and got SW watches. Then we came in pretty late to the show (got some really crappy seats), but saw Matthew get to do his dance and we all yelled at some random tuba. And afterwards we walked around a mall for an hour with Matt. And then our garage got closed and it was raining....and Matt got back an hour before we got back home....crazy stuff

I'm sad because "ugg 10 days" and I'm happy because "yay 10 days"

Road trip to Athens! woot!

I dunno what to write about...sigh...

Nothing ever happens anymore. My life is monotonous. I come home, I sit at the computer, I take a nap, I procrastinate homework, wake up, go to school, do the exact same things. The only spontaneity I have is when Matt comes home.

I hate Ain't Been Good, and if I have to listen to one more person ask to play Long Train, I'll kill them.

I've been drinking more water. Hopefully, it's good for me.

Cowbells are cool.

I have to keep a 3.5 gpa next year.....uggg I'll most likely kill myself. I hope my significant other will be able to deal with me when I'm stressed, because I'm told that I'm not very fun. I tend to take negative feelings out on the people who least deserve it. And that sucks....

I don't get to put in hidden messages, so I love you

The Scores

I got a 32.

YAYYA!!!! I screamed a lot when I found out and gave lots of random hugs.

I got a 35 on science.....that's crazy. and the only reason I got a 32 too. i had a 30, 31, and 32. that 35 is what pulled my composite up

soooo full tuition. woot

here's what's going for me: I was accepted to OU, I was accepted into the HTC, I have full tuition out of my way, I love Matt, I have my friends.

now if only i could get out now. yay senioritis.....

I might be having an OU trip 2 weekends from now, which should be nice......short....but nice

i never did cover his ears this weekend

didnt have to

screw happy, though

i would say some more sappy stuff, but i'm depressed enough as it is. and i dont think my adoring public really wants to know anyway

hm though it is fun to joke around with my friends about stuff. but what i joke about isn't necessarily considered 'sappy'

i can't remember what it was exactly that i said to Sam today, but it's nice to remind everyone the full extent of my sense of humor

i now have an urge to find some temporary tattoos...

the end

The harder it gets

I was sitting here and I looked at my hand and I noticed I still had a bit of the stamp they put on my hand at Castle Skateland

it comforted me

it let me know that yes, this weekend was real and not a dream.

The only reason why it seems so surreal is that I'm back again doing the same thing I feel like I've always done. Come home, do some homework, and sit at the computer talking to Matt. It's like nothing happened

But it did, and that makes me feel better. Actually, my room is basically in the same condition it was when he left besides my bed and some games.

I brushed a few strands of hair out of my face and it made me cry. Because I can remember him doing that a few times for me.

The day after is always worst according to Sam and Steph. And I know they have it hard too. But my situation is a bit different. Thomas goes to Kings. He's local. And although Steph can't see Tony some weekends, he does call her everynight. And he's relatively easy to go see concerning travel times.

Matt lives 3 hours away and I basically just get to talk to him on the compy whenever he's in his room. And he doesn't have a lot of opportunities to come here. Though I bet he's come home a lot more this year so far than he did in past ones.

I used to take a lot of things for granted regarding relationships. I watch couples now complain about not being able to see each other some weekend when they attend school together everyday. They don't know how good they've got it. I've almost gotten angry after hearing them complain.

I don't get mad if he's not there or he can't call me on a certain night. That's fine. He's busy. I just appreciate that I get to talk to him as much as I do. And this has led to a pretty optimistic view on things, despite him being away. I've heard others complain about not being able to talk to their boyfriends because he was at work. And these girlfriends get mad....why though? Don't they have anything to appreciate?

And even though I'm not content with the current situation and the fact that he just left isn't helping me much either, I'm happy with him. And everything will get better. I just have to wait (a freaking long time...lol).

I don't want to seem like I'm attacking other people's problems, I just am kinda down right now and it's late.

I'm tired, I just wanted to share...and tomorrow I'm off to that stupid school thing again. Luckily these next 2 weeks are 4 day weeks. But I still need to save a few grades.

Peace out.

I don't know why I said that either.

The Inevitable

He has to go back.

Although...I could be 'kidnapped'.

But here I am again...for the next 20 ish days. Sitting at my compy night after night. Kinda like Neo, except I'm not a hacker looking for Morpheus.

I am the One though.

It's like deja vu. (and no not like the Matrix)

Actually this is kinda scary because everything seems to somehow relate to the Matrix right now....no, of course I'm not paranoid, what would make you think something like - did you hear that?? AHHHH AGENTS!

My mood can't be described with one word. Earlier, on the way back from Applebees I was feeling really silly. Like, Matt and his dad were checking the oil and Matt was standing outside bouncing and whistling and I just started laughing. Then we got gas and Matt got out of the truck really fast. I can't really explain that much, but I laughed anyway. And then he cleaned the windshield and I laughed some more....I really don't know why.

It's hard to believe that Matt was here Friday. It seems like forever ago. We went to Beef's and the game and watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Then he left at 2, I had 4 hours of sleep, went to OMEA worked till 12:30, went to Skyline, went back to my house, saw Date Movie at the theater, went to Burger King (listened to WoW talk for an hour...lol), attempted to skate with regular rollerskates at Castle Skateland, went home, watched Napoleon Dynamite, watched some Olympics, watched War of the Worlds, watched the Bourne Supremacy, Matt left at 2:30ish (shh dont tell), slept, woke up to a Xbox 360, Matt came over, tried to get my Xbox to be backwards compatible (grr), went to Applebee's and officially met Matt's parents under the title of "the girlfriend", came back here, stalled for about 2 hours, and he left. I went to my room and covered myself with a blanket.

I'm cold now. This is the first time I've really noticed all weekend.

I can't really talk about my feelings. I'm currently consumed with one and so it's hard to feel much else.

It was kinda funny because I thought I'd cheer myself up by reading the Valentine's day card from Matt....ha, yeah right, it just made me eat more chocolate lol

I burned the OU cd to my xbox, so that's awesome.

I really wanted to go to Nellie's party, but my mom is feeling sick right now so she couldn't take me and I'm rideless. Plus, i'm not having the best night anyway and I don't want to leave her alone when she's feeling bad.

haha everyone likes Matt's pillow. heck yes it is uber sweet.

If I go MIA for a weekend, I'm probably with Matt.

I'll post later.

The Day of Love

My Sweethearts are molesting me....

The HTC sent me a box of sweethearts. Honestly, how cool is that? My college sends me food.

Though I didn't realize how bad these actually tasted...well some are ok...others remind me of the Flintstones vitamins.

One says "Home Run". So apparently this candy just wants to skip all the bases with me and just go for it. Molestation, that is.

Most of these are blank. I probably got the second-hand candies, when they ran out of ink or suggestive things to say. The HTC is cheap...

"Fax Me"...honestly, who faxes people?

"Be Good"...man they know me so well

"Home Soon" heck yes home soon, my matthew needs to get himself on over here asap

He's out serenading the masses, so I got to talk to him for about 30 minutes today and that's it....sigh...

Oh well, class ends at 1 for him tomorrow, so i'll get to talk to him when I get home.

Sigh....our Homecoming pictures....I LOOK AWFUL! I'm not even looking at the camera and my arm seems to be out of it's socket. arghhhhhh

the only good thing besides matt looking good is the lighting on my dress makes me look about 30 pounds thinner. which is fine by me...

argh stupid me...and i have no idea why I got such a huge package either...what am i going to do with all these pictures anyway?

Matt got his package, though he had to leave before he could go get it, so he'll probably open it tonight before he goes to bed.

Now that I think about it, I pretty much just sent him a ton of food...maybe I subconciously want him to be fat, i dunno.....jk

Why can't you take me to Jabba now and it be Friday?!?!

still dont know, still dont ask

actually in that tense it would probably be more proper to use Yoda.

2 "Home Sick"s. one yellow, one green. I dont like the orange ones. I'm not a big fan of artificial orange flavor.

Dr. Tanda sent me an e-mail, woot! He said he was going to write a big long letter about why I should be in HTC, but since I already sent my confirmation in, he didn't have to. I like that guy.

Then I got all the e-mail addys of the HTC people I met. I really liked Erin, she was so nice. Then Bailey had lunch with us and he was really nice...

not to mention cute...and he was a sophomore...I bet I'll get to see him a bit...hmmm....lol probably at the "party" this summer...

but, he's no hot junior chem major...the expectations are just too high for poor Bailey ;)

I really want to use my oak ID but I have no idea what for...

Housing contracts went out on Monday so I should get one this week

I might get a Xbox 360 on thursday. But I probably wont have any games for it, so it will just be the equivalent of a pretty, and working, Xbox

which is fine with me, because it will play most of my SW games and my Halo's.

Today pretty much sucked, btw. I got upset over things that I didnt think I would. Maybe it's just a combination of how sick I was last night and the fact that I'm probably suffering from some weird separation syndrome. but still...3 days and I'll feel awesome again! Pushing the reset button.

My mom said that we probably shouldnt be up too late on friday since I have to work early on saturday....ah screw that. If I have to, I'll just sleep on Matt saturday afternoon....lol if he doesn't mind of course. We'll still be spending time together, I just wont be concious....

Yeah so he's not even online and I'm still procrastinating my TWIP....

I dunno....I need to do this TWIP....but I DON'T WANT TO!!! actually I just want to go to bed....I really had no sleep at all last night.... I woke up at 4 because I felt really sick and I didn't fall back asleep till about 6.....

and amazingly enough, I didn't fall asleep in any of my classes and I did pretty well on my Anat test.....though the second half is still tomorrow, and I'm not that good with lab portions....

crap, i'm getting picked up early tomorrow....ah well, more time to study...and I better get this done so I can go back to sleep...

3 more days and I get my vacation

The Maturity

I am not a mature person really. I laugh at butt jokes and funny words. If you get me in the right mood, my voice goes up a few octaves and the volume increases and I will go around laughing and saying stupid things for hours at a time (aka hyper). I will run around in circles or do my funny dance, and I will steal Nellie's flute and play Magic Carpet Ride.

But I think I finally have risen above a few in one aspect. I stand by now and watch people gossip. I've learned what I can and can't say to people so generally I just shutup.

Some guy I know thinks I like him. Honestly, it's about time he just gets over himself and moves on and accepts the fact that I have a boyfriend, he has a girlfriend, and gossipping to his girlfriend that I'm giving him 'looks' probably isn't helping their relationship. He must think girls are swarming for him....uh no. I actually have about 5 reasons why he thinks I like him, but I'm not going to put them on here because that would defeat my purpose and all I really want is for this rumor to die anyway. I don't see how this could help his relationship with his girlfriend.

Also, two of my 'friends' talk about me all the time and besides the random religious comments about me going to Hell and whatnot from one of them, they both are apparently my friends because they don't think I have any and they pity me.

Sigh....one of them, I understand. I get these friend comments from her all the time. The other kinda surprised me, but she has a way with siding with whoever she is talking to, so I don't blame her that much.

All in all, I'm ready to leave. Meet new people. Because the ones I am stuck with are getting so annoying. Well some of them.

Soon it's just one trimester left...then freedom

sigh - 4 days

The ACT, HTC, and other New Deal programs

No, this isn't about FDR, sorry. We call all his programs Alphabet Soup and since I had 2 abbreviations I was reminded of that.

The ACT went well yesterday. I think I kicked it's butt. If I was getting a grade, I'd get an A. The essay probably sucked, but that score doesnt count yet.

I got home, went to sleep and Matthew called me! yay! We talked about all sorts of different things too. Then, as I'm sitting there, my mom hands me my acceptance letter into the HTC! yay! So, OU, here I come. Kyle made it too.

Two kids from LM, the only ones who applied to the HTC, get accepted into OU, get interviewed, and get accepted into the HTC. That's uber sweet. In your face nodnod.

Now all I need is a 32 and my life is pretty much sweet.

I think I did it too.

So yeah, life is going pretty nicely for me right now. My friends came back me, my boyfriend loves me, my college accepted me.

So all in all, I'm extremely positive about everything.

And to top it off, I get to see Matt in 5 days and I don't have to share as much as I thought I would have to, which is awesome.

The Serenade

Yay Friday! Yay 7 days till I see Matt!

even though he doesn't have a three day weekend......grrr

so anyway, school was ok

we all got the next edition of the school newspaper today. It pretty much has nothing but freshman in the class (which is why there is a prerequisite for next year saying you had to get a A or B in freshman english) because they can't spell....and they just can't write...

Example: there was an article about how this girl says we shouldn't have a dress code....uhhhh....ok....and she said that without a dress code everyone would look different....at this point we're all looking at our clothes and I definitely did not have on the same thing as Sam or anyone else ( I had on my uber sweet new shirt!)....so.....in my best Napoleon Dynamite voice...."IDIOT....gosh".....and then as a defense for guys having their boxers hanging out......"they have patterns on them for a reason".....uhhhh

she needs to be hunted down and smited

English was ok, Anatomy was ok, Gov was ok...we talked about 5th amendment stuff from IN OUR DEFENSE (ooo cowering from big book and capital letters...)

I did nothing in Physics except sit by Gimpy Ben and help him with his crossword puzzle. and I attempted the sudoku which was rated "diabolical"...so i never finished that

Band, yay! did nothing.

Went home....thought about going to sleep (its a good thing i didnt!)

My cell phone rang and I see it's Matt....yay!

So I pick up and he says "I have a surprise for you."

and I say "What?"

he says, "Hold on"

Silence.

And then I was serenaded!!! .... thrice

Telepathy or not, that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done! I couldn't stop smiling! Then I was laughing ...i dunno

....aaaaannnnddd I haven't stopped smiling since then

I decided to go to band after all and I pretty much told anything that moved what happened. Tons of "awwwww"s and Sam said she was happy that I am so happy now.

Ahhh this good mood crap. It suddenly makes the 7 days not seem so long (yet they seem like forever) (stupid 3 day weekend)

Actually on that Sunday night, Nellie is having a party so I can recuperate (sp?) there from my emotional low. Actually she told me that I could go there to try to catch my breath again.....and I smacked her...loser lol I'll buy her ChapStick for her birthday

My Uber Awesome Shirt:

I come home yesterday and I'm like "Hey! A package!" and then I go "hey....a package..." and It's for me....from J!NX.com.....and I'm like "YAY!!! IT'S MY UBER AWESOME SHIRT!!!" and it was and it was from Matthew! awww

I feel like nothing can faze me. Nothing can get me upset. Because why should it? I have everything going for me right now. I'm so happy all the time. I have my friends back and I have my Love. What more can anyone ever want? My year has turned wonderful. And I know why.

The Fumes

So I had to make some Ammonia Carbonate for the qual lab. I get it out and dump out the old solution, and I notice that wow it smells kinda bad. So then I open the jar with the ammonia carbonate in it. I thought my lungs were going to rot away. My eyes were even watering. So I over my mouth up and measure out how much I need and I start stirring, but the smell just gets worse. Then it took about 30 minutes for it to finally dissolve. AND the beaker I was using for mixing it broke. So I had this solution spilling down my jeans and all over the floor...That would have really sucked if that was something more powerful...

Tomorrow I'm messing around with HCl and other fun potentially painful things....woot

I say woot too much. It's starting to lose it's meaning....sigh

I am getting people to say "uber sweet" though. Well I'm getting freshmen to do it. And freshmen will do whatever their seniors do anyway.

I'm rooming with Steph, Sam, and Kat for the Disney trip! YAY! it should be awesome. There should be something good in this because it's four senior girls who aren't complete idiots. Well....there's Sam....

haha

I've had two boxes of fudge stripe cookies in the past 10 days....this cannot be good for my health....yet....they taste.....SO....GOOD!

I might travel to the wonderful town of Athens next trimester. yay! Matthew should be here for President's Day weekend, and then the next time I'll see him is when he comes here for spring break. Then there's a huge gap until Prom. I have my spring break in there, but I'll be gone. My mom has offered yet again to take me over there. I might do it late april, but it depends on my schedule, my moms schedule, and matt's schedule.

Actually Sam offered to take me too, which I thought was weird because why would she drive all the way out to Athens for me to see Matt?

My lungs still kinda hurt....I bet that's not a good thing. Luckily I had band to clear them up...sorta. Actually Kyle, Scotty and I were making up lyrics to the song "Children's March". Basically, the children are similar to Children of the Corn and they go on a death march. The subtitle is "Over the Hills and Far Away". So they are Nazi children wandering through a cornfield.

You know how in the uber old Disney movies they had this huge men and women choirs singing? I keep thinking Bambi and the song they sing when it rains. (drip drip drop little april showers!) it starts all soft with a single note hitting everytime a raindrop falls on a leaf. And it ends the same way. Kind of a 'everything winding down' music. All the furry animals go back to sleep, the rain stops etc

"Children's March" sorta does the same thing at the end. Everything dies down. And in the case of our lyrical story...everything dies. The song ends with the children of the corn laughing and skipping as they all jump off a cliff and die....

ah band humor...

"we are children marching.....we are children marching...."

then they all get eaten by snakes at the bottom of the cliff

we're playing a song called "Snakes!" too...

It's amazing how just one person can make you feel better about everything. You could be having the worst day ever and just talking to someone makes everything seem right again. They are like your vacation. I'm looking forward to a nice vacation. You feel better about everything because time stops for a moment. There's no point to worrying about things. You are stuck in a moment that lasts forever and you never want to leave. Because everything is right in the world for that moment. That's how you feel better. That's the vacation.

Optimism strikes again

The Good Mood

Everyone, and I mean everyone, has said that I am in such a good mood lately.

I asked if I really was all that depressing before...

They said yes.

SO anyway.

I called Matthew last night after the game and become more enlightened on WoW. woot! I tried to play RuneScape after that but RS is so boring seeing as I have nothing to do until I'm 20 combat levels higher and that would take weeks to do. I think I'll just buy a cheap knife and go wander around the Wildy with no armor. I'll die...but I'll get something from it hopefully.

Yay geekiness!

"Command station, this is ST321, code clearance blue, we're starting our approach. Deactivate the security shield."
"Security deflector shield will be deactivated when we have confirmation of your code transmission...stand by....you are clear to proceed."
"We're starting our approach." (yes they say that twice)
"Inform the Commander that Lord Vader's shuttle has arrived..."
"Yes sir."
"Lord Vader, this is an unexpected pleasure, we are honored by your presence-"
"You may dispense with the pleasantries Commander, I'm here to put you back on schedule"
"I assure you Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can."
"Then perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them..."
"I tell you, this station will be operational as planned."
"The Emperor does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation."
"But he asks the impossible...I need more men."
"The perhaps you can tell him when he arrives."
"The Emperor is coming here?!?"
"That is correct Commander and he is most dipleased with your apparent lack of progress."
"We shall double our efforts"
"I hope so Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am..."

HAHHAHA i only looked up some parts because I had a few extra "that"s and an "emperor" instead of a "he".

Plus I wanted to see if I could still do that.

And I honestly had nothing else to talk about.

Matthew should be able to make it for President's Day weekend. It would be nice to see him, but I understand if he has stuff to do instead. That's just the way the world works and I'd still get to see him eventually anyway. I'd rather it be sooner than later though.

So yeah...My optimism is wearing off now. But I still can't help but be happy when I'm in a large group of my friends.

...Now I'm in a bad mood because I have school tomorrow...argh

The Pictures

Kat sent me some pictures from last Saturday and they are all so awesome!



That's us at the bowling alley! Woot and my hair is all curly...ooo...curls...



Well I'm not the only one not looking at the camera...



Just looking at this picture makes me smile! I love it! I was so worried that I looked bad or something but this is pretty dang good! Yay!!

My residual high off of this weekend has now exponentially increased. Woot!

I bet everyone was jealous of my hot boyfriend...lol

Yeah, I'm in an uber good mood now.

I would write about the gas leak at school, but I already did earlier. I may just copypaste what I IMed Matt.

Hopefully the Fuggett picture turns out nice because I'm not sure I was looking at the camera...oops...and we had to pay for those...

...woot!

I e-mailed one to my grandma and she called about 10 minutes later saying how cute we looked.

Ah, good mood. This makes it just a bit easier now. I miss him so much and now it's just a bit easier.

And I was/am sick from natural gas leakage, and I'm so happy now!

Did I mention how I can't stop smiling.

It's nice to know that even something so simple as a picture can bring back all my happiness from that night.

Though I still would prefer something a bit more complex to make me happy.....like Matt

The Late Night

It's 12:33 right now and I still haven't really started on my TWIP...my mind is wandering all over the place tonight

I did a lot of....reflecting on my situation 3 years ago. When I say reflecting, I mean I found some old conversations I saved that Sam and I had from that year. I had forgotten that we made Jeffrey an Abercrombie model and Matt and Ralph Lauren model....

yay i finished it now! it's 12:57

Matt will be gone wednesday through friday.... :-(

But he's doing important Navy stuff and he's been waiting a while for this trip

I don't like seeing other couples. Not that I'm jealous specifically of them, but the fact that they are together and I don't get to be with Matt all the time. I'm jealous of time.

This past weekend still has me in a pretty good mood though. I'm happy yet I miss him.

I remember more and more of how stuff was three years ago

Fall Homecoming 2002. I went with Jerbear. I had a huge crush on Jerbear at the time too that was continuing from the huge crush I had on him from 8th grade. Sam went with Joel, Jeff asked her out a few days before, and we all knew Matt wasn't happy about it. Sammy was a player back in those days.

I saw Matt sitting at the table, looking nice in his black shirt and he had a red rose boutineer. I remember this because it was very hitman looking. This was all pre-me liking him too. I was going to ask him to dance, but I was with Jerbear.

Who knows where we'd all be right now if I had done that. There is a lot of maybe's.....

I know one thing right now though

I am so happy. I feel better about everything, even my problems at school that I deal with alone. It was so wonderful to say Good Night at 2 a.m. then wake up to him heading on over at 11:30.

I wish it was always so right now...

1:10 a.m. 'Hio

Cry with a smile.

Matt, have a safe and fun and interesting and Navyish trip. I miss you and I can't wait to talk to you and I know that time will fly at times or slow down but I'll still see you! Oh and next time I'll won't say "hi" and stand there. Prepare to have your ribs crushed. :-)

hope your test and quiz go/went well

i don't know when you'll read this anyway

Good Night from 1:20 a.m.

The Plan

OPERATION KMAG went semi as scheduled, but the point is, it happened and I'm extremely happy it did! :-D

woot

i can't believe i forgot to mention that....

Beef's was fun. Mr A was wandering around aimlessly so mi madre and I talked to him for a bit about stuff. You gotta love Mr A. And Brady was there with Mrs Smith. Brady is SO CUTE!

I'm starting to like little kids again. I've never really been that comfortable around newborn to 3 year olds. Not sure why exactly. But I haven't been around small children a lot anyway.

It's too bad I'm not a Tralfamadorian, because I want to jump to my future.

I still have the good mood from this weekend. So hopefully that will last for a while. i'm still sad though

The Rest Of It

"Taking a nap, up since 4:30 :-\.

It's funny my blood pressure was strangely high at the start of my physical... the guy doing it said to think relaxing thoughts... So I closed my eyes and thought about Return of the Jedi. :-D"

Thus ends Matt's away message....yep....

I have an urge to bash him over the head....in a completely loving way of course.. :-D

I never mentioned that I got to wear Matthew's old school band jacket. I've worn it once before and it was hard for me to let go...so I've wanted to steal it ever since. I didn't steal it this time, I just got to wear it again....woot!

what else was I going to talk about....? argh I need to take blog notes again...

I got a "See Me" on my english paper...i figured I'd get one anyway. I didnt have time to meet with him beforehand so now I'll know what he wants on this paper and I can get it done over the weekend.

what sounds better, 18 or 45? ah well, what happens...happens

this week shouldnt be too bad, though i will be missing matt more than usual when he goes on his Navy trip

well i'm tired too and i'll post later...

i really enjoyed this past weekend. though its funny when dumais and sam are comforting me with the whole "its hardest the day after". woot.

but as I've said, the best thing is knowing that it will get better from here on out

The Best Weekend Ever...!

If Matt can say "BEST NEW YEARS EVER!!!" and "BEST WINTER BREAK EVER!!!" then I am entitled to best weekend.

last weekend was nice too

Actually, any day I see Matt can qualify as "best"

FYI this post may be considered sappy to some viewers, so viewer discretion is advised. woot

As a senior, I know that it would be hard to have a highschool 'significant other' while you first head off to college. You go from being around each other all the time to basically not at all. I was called a hypocrit for breaking up with Jon and now I'm dating Matt in college.

Actually, there is a huge difference. I'm not leaving someone behind, I'm going to someone. And that thought comforts me while I try to deal with Matt not being here. That Matt will be here.

Though, I have now become a member of "Our Boyfriends Don't Live Here" club with Dumais and Sam. woot

If I had just realized that he was at my house a bit sooner on Friday I might have taken a running jump at him outside. Which would have been hilarious, because even though Matt is really strong, I also weigh a decent bit more than I look. lol. I wanted to grab a hold of him and not let go for a while, but I didnt.

I'll send him a crowbar or something for next time he sees me, because I might not let go for a while. :-D

But next time might not be for a decent while. so wootily woot woot....

OK, no more side comments, this is a blog, and so I should report about stuff that happened.

The game was a lot of fun in a weird way. We painted Stephen's face green, which was entertaining. I painted about 20 others too, and I did the simple black dashes under the eyes. I will say that I looked pretty Army-ish. I had my combat boots, my camo, a green undershirt with my green Senior shirt, and a green LM hat. Plus my hair was pulled back. So a lot of green.

Jeffrey was there with his girlfriend and then Jeff paid me for my last days 2 summers ago. So woot, money.

After halftime, Matt and I went back out to finish the game and sat with them. Woot we won. Third game the boys have won, though...i think.

After that we headed to Beef's because Matt and I really hadnt had much to eat. It was fun and PJ giggled like a little girl. Plus we picked on Maupin and Mr. A showed up.

After that Matt came back to my house and we watched a Star Wars documentary. We lost track of time and he got back to his house around 3....oops.

I need a shirt that says "Talk Geeky To Me"

I got my hair done at 10:30 on saturday. I liked all the curls. Though, luckily no one had a match because my head would have gone up in a second. and as Matt noticed, it was kinda sticky too....but the point is, it looked good...from a distance ;-)

Bowling was nice. I won the first game, seeing as Matt's score no longer counted after the 3 strikes he got in a row.....loser. The second game, Sam beat us all, she needed a game to warm up and Matt became a normal person again. Not Bowling God. But I still think he's a winnner..... :-)

During the second game we had MAMMMMY first, CAMMMY second, SAMMY, STEPHY, and then QUINNY.

The M button kinda stuck. Then when you cheer them on you go "Go Mammmmmmmmy!"

Then we made fun of Quinny and did some Forrest Gump lines...."I love you Quinny" and the random "I was RUNning"

Matt came back to my house after than and we watched The Hunt for Red October. I really liked that movie. Sum of All Fears goes a bit above my head at times, but I understood this one. And even though I looked like I was asleep at some points, I really wasn't. Just enjoying the moment, really.

We had some spaghetti then Matt went home to get sexy for the dance.

And Matt did look sexy. I really liked his shirt. I need to find more instances to get him to dress up :-) . He had a beautiful corsage for me, but he already had a boutineer (sp?) so I didn't give him the one I got him.

We arrived at about 9 and people still werent there, well at least, no one I really knew or Matt knew, for that matter. We stood around for a bit until the Iron Chef group arrived, which we couldnt have gone with anyway since Carolyn went with them.

I'm not very entertaining at dances. I stand around and look at people dance like an idiot *coughkylecough* lol no offense to him, its just I've never seen him dance a day in my life. And I've been watching him for plenty of dances

Matt was amused by watching Jose wander around. Thinking of the good ol' days. lol and then Matt named a few songs that would play and got them right. I knew one of the slow songs because I heard it as I was getting my hair done. They probably played the senior class song, but Matt and I left at about 11. I feel bad. I know he said he had a good time, but I feel like I bored him. We just stood there and did the slow songs. I tried to dance a few times, but I couldnt find any of the people I dance with on those songs. :-( oh well

I always had told myself that I would drag Matt to one of these dances with me. I mean drag literally too lol. And all you people doubted me....well HAHAHHAHAHA...ha

So Matt came back here and we changed clothes and watched Return of the Jedi

yeah

He left at about 2 then I fell asleep and woke up about 10 minutes before he called to say he was on his way here so we could watch the OU-Miami game

Muck Fiami. I have a shirt that says Muck Fiami....I was going to wear it with Matt, but I didn't want my dad to know the extent of my corruption lol. Friends dont let friends go to Miami. too bad I cant wear that shirt to school lol. I have a lot of friends going to Miami. But then again, there is at least 10 people I know headed to OU. and 3 are pretty good friends of mine. So at least they have been saved :-)

We probably wouldve won if we hadnt missed all of those free throws. That really counted against us.

After that we had some buffalo wings and watched Red Dragon

and then right at about 5, when Matt was supposed to leave, my mom said dinner was ready. yay stalling.

Actually I personally couldnt stall. I wanted to so bad, but I couldn't. Matt had to go. Nothing I could do. I went to my room and tried to sleep away my sadness.

I woke up when he called around 9. We talked for a bit. I hope things go awesome for him tomorrow with the Navy. Getting into this will help him out in so many ways.

This post may seem like it's all about Matt, but really it is all about what I did this weekend. From 5:30 on friday to about 5:30 today, basically the only time I didnt see Matt was when I was asleep at night. But I bet he was somewhere in my dreams

If you are ever unsure if I've seen or talked to Matt, just look at what I'm wearing. If I have something OU on, then I probably talked to him the night before. I just noticed this today when i was setting out some clothes. I do it subconsciously too lol

I think I'll go sleep my troubles away. It took me 2 hours to write this...woot!

I miss you already :'-(

The Geekiness

I tried to tell Sam how funny this conversation was...but I lost her as soon as Luke was mentioned....only true geeks think this is funny anyway, which is why it's a good thing that Matt and I are geeks. Woot! yay AIM conversations

Me: my abilities have not been properly trained as of yet
Matt: lol
Matt: well we'll just have to work on that this weekend my young padawan...
Matt: who is thinking "i'm tired and want to go to bed, but at the same time I don't want to stop talking to Matt"
Me: dating your padawan...tsk tsk
Matt: lol
Me: the council will kick your ass
Matt: Hey there was no council in Luke's time
Matt: he married Mara Jade as you will recall
Me: oh well if we're in luke’s time, then sorry, but i'm having an affair then
Matt: lol
Me: no hard feelings
Matt: lol
Matt: you're fun
Me: lol
Me: i'm fun, you're adorable

I went to a WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE coloring and copying that....I almost broke a sweat so everyone has to think this convo is hilarious.

What is with me and geeks.....? Ah well somebody has to date them. And as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog said "You are surrounded by tons of guys who have no idea how to please you"

lol I need to find the actual text to that or get it on my compy because that is hilarious.

A-team was fun. We killed Northwest and Mr. Lovins was driving the bus and he was a bit too brake-happy so there were several groans from the entire bus when he stopped or hit a bumpy road at high speed. Somebody messed with the emergency windows so we had to pull off to the side on the highway so he could figure out where it was. He was blaming us in the back for messing with the door but it wasnt us. I think it was some freshmans fault.

We ate at Arby's and Mr. Levo told us an awesome pirate joke for Pirate day tomorrow. I want to be a space pirate tomorrow but there isn't anything much more geeky than that seeing as I'll be all mercenary/star wars anyway. But I don't have anything to wear so I'll be a smuggler in disguise.....oooo I'm smuggling myself. Wow I am just too clever sometimes.

Plus we're making t-shirts after school tomorrow. so i can't wear anything nice.

and yay no homework tonight and tomorrow! woot! I can be free all weekend!

Yay weekend!

yay good week! it makes everything more bearable!

of course hopefully I'll have 3 good weeks after this....so its bearable then...oh well

Yay everything!

Polygamy may not be such a bad thing.....I can marry Lukey, Spidey, Stuart, and maybe Gerard (because I have liked him since his first movie and everyone else just started liking him because he was the Phantom) So....Matthew.....in order to compete it looks like you need to get a freaking hot cape. Lukey has the uber sexy jedi cloak, Stuart wore one in a few of his movies, and Gerard (duh Phantom) . Spidey of course just has a freaking hot body and he can shoot webs out of his arms.....now if you are desparate enough to go get bitten by a radioactive spider...be my guest.....or you can have a hot cape.

Some girl randomly went up to Owen today and said that one of her friends saw him wrestling and that he has a hot body.

hahahaha Owen doesn't even know who the girl was. So naturally, Sam and I joked about Owen's hot body all through Ateam.

i dunno

:-)

The Procrastination

What do you expect? I have no real homework this week so me doing my TWIP in 5th period the day it is due is to be expected...woot

Well I'm off to A-team soon. This week rocks by the way.

Sammy and Missi are back today! Woot! and we'll have our t-shirt etc thing after school tomorrow. I need to remember my black crappy shirt. I think I'll cut it and stuff because it is an XL....hmmm I might actually massacre my spare A-team shirt that's screwed up already...

Hmm...the concert band sucks. I'm listening to them now....sigh

I was invited to go to the Iron Chef with a huge group, but they already made reservations and Matt and I would be the two extra people added automatically to the reservation. So if someone brought one more person, Matt and I would be gone. I dunno. Sam is apparently going somewhere else. Plus I don't like Japanese food. I like American food.... :-p

Well I'm off to A-team....

Hey cool, Jon is doing the obstacle course for the pep rally with the Juniors. That's cute.

Bye all!

The Telepathic-ness

(haha i edited this!)

Woot! Go Ohio! Akron sucks....a lot.....

Matthew called me....big surprise....I figured it as soon as he asked me if I was busy at 9:00. So either he is a bad "liar", or something, or I can read his mind.

And i knew about the Miami shirt too...

So maybe I CAN read minds....thats uber sweet.

Or maybe I just know Matt well enough to predict him....but he's still unpredictable....

Oh well, being telepathic seems to be a much better explanation.

Cool, I can read Matt's mind....It's like the movie What Women Want, but i'm not mel gibson and matt's not a girl. thankfully on both parts ;-)

This week rocks. Besides me having a head cold which better be gone by friday or there will be hell to pay....but I can't really make myself pay anyway

YAY FRIDAY! this week has been so much more bearable in that I saw matt on sunday, there is no stress all week, no big assignments, and matt will be here friday

and I will attempt to read his mind

It's 11:20 and I'm just rambling because I'm entertaining myself by saying stupid things. I'm also stalling.

Operation K.M.A.G. is in its final stages. Although, as with most plans, they never quite go how I want them too anyway. hahah yay plotting.

I'm in a good mood, yet again. which is awesome.

I might even go to bed here soon...wow

The Blog Notes

Seeing as I can't remember much from my day, I took a small post-it note and wrote random thoughts down all day:

There was an announcement this morning for a field trip to the pregnancy resource center....is that were you get pregnancy supplies? The boys decided that they sell mattresses there. Just too clever, aren't they?

We talked about predestination in English today. I honestly don't have to worry about God's plan and predestination etc because of my views so that was a nice revelation I had, in that knowing I didn't need an opinion.

The class decided that God doesnt just say "ok you you you and you are destined to go to Hell". They said he was merciful. So Mr. Cleaver asked "So if God loves us and created us then why is he sending all the Jews to Hell?"

I love that man.

Good quote from Anatomy - Cancer : Body cells gone wrong

So we're talking about religion in schools and evolution v creationism, and all I can think about is homecoming and comparing it to 3 years ago. And I had the urge to say "haha I wasnt crazy!" when all my friends didnt know why I like matt so long ago. yay irony....though i'm not sure this is irony.

Honestly it's not the schools responsiblity to teach creationism. That is for the church anyway. And if you honestly think that just being taught the theory of evolution will warp children's minds and have them only believe in that, then you are just stupid.

And so I love my teachers. It's a great feeling to watch Maupin or Cleaver shoot someone down...

Stephen had a dream that he was shaving and he was so tired he took his sideburns off....haha

I don't know the difference between Donatello and Leonardo. I know Michelangelo was funny, and Raphael had an attitude problem. I know one of the other two was uber smart....

Stephen is now dating Katie Yoder. poor nodnod

"I can do whatever I want" - Mr Gray

That man is awesome. He gave Danny and Petey detentions for disrupting a class instead of going to the bathroom like they said they were. Yesterday when Petey was complaining about having a homework marked late, Mr gray told him that he's wasted a whole lot of time up there "bitching" (yes he did say that) when he should've started the lab. I love Mr Gray too.

My teachers rock today.

On a side/summary note: My boyfriend can figure out how to make cocaine, likes to blow things up, has very hot shirts that will make him the envy of the dacne, exercises a lot, and will probably wear a anti-miami shirt on sunday. Not exactly sure about that last one, but I did consider buying one this past weekend to wear yesterday for college day, but that didn't work out.

This week is awesome. Which helps make it more bearable. YAY! now I'm off to the dry cleaners for my dress and get some Zycam. woot

The Chore

Honestly, I need to stop starting with 'the'.....but it's so easy!

So right now I should be typing my paper but somebody wants something to read, so naturally I have to write something for them. :-p

Yay! This week rocks! Today was college day! Woot OU! And all I really have is my english essay due tomorrow, which I'm not too worried about even though I have almost zilch done. I know what I want to say, I just need my motivation. So I'm ok :-)

I am very optimistic now. I know when I'll get to see Matt, and that makes me feel better because I like having things to look forward to. He'll get here semi early on Friday but he needs a haircut, then he'll see me dressed as a green and gold freak, then we have getting my hair done, bowling, movies, dinner, dance, and afterwards on saturday, then a lot of studying/stalling on sunday.

Tomorrow is Mardi Gras day (which I'll skip on the beads), then Wacky Wednesday, and Pirate day on thursday. Thursday night we are having a t-shirt/greengold making partyish thing, for what to wear the next day at school. We aren't marching in the halls friday, which sucks, because I love the sound on bass drums in the school. and its not like we'd ever get to do it again this year.

This past weekend was too short, but it was worth the wait. I tried to hit the pause button a few times, but that just caused some fastforwarding, like when i left Bob Evans. I honestly had no idea what happened until we pulled back onto the highway, then i became pretty depressed and slept most of it away.

I dont like high school anymore. Especially now with this third-grade-gossip-ring thats started. anything I or my mom says, goes through a chain of kyle, nellie, and jon. Then somehow I'm in trouble for it. it is really weird. I'm not saying I'm more mature or anything, because I can be pretty immature sometimes, but more in a sense of how i act, not immature in how i try to make people feel bad.

Matt I need a good picture of you. Because I dont want to screw up your senior picture (even though you spelled my name wrong ;-) ) since I've started carrying it around with me at school. are you up for pictures at the dance?

Maybe I shoud just get a camera. I have a digital camera, but seeing as all I know how to do on it is push the button and get the pics onto my computer, its worthless. And it's about 5 times the size of stephen's camera.

Matt is going to look hot this weekend, with nice hair and teeth and he'll smell good too.

Now all I need is some rope and duct tape and a nice place to stick him so he wont leave Sunday. The band room should have a lot of duct tape. Though that could hurt too. Not pleasant when I have to take that off.

I'm reminded now of what Stephen was saying to me in Physics about Matt yelling at me if I go to band camp. First stephen said Matt would call me a "b*tch" which i dont think matt would really yell at someone to their face anyway, and plus Matt know I would kill him at first available chance anyway. I might not slug him while we're on the field doing stuff and just wait until the break, but then again, if he's going to be dead, its not like he'll need to save face or anything anyway. JUST KIDDING MATTHEW i know you wouldnt do anything like that anyway. Then stephen got into the more disgusting things that could be yelled, mainly dealing with stuff that happened "last night". Stephens just too creative for his own good sometimes...

Stephen is my pimp though. Same with Sam. Though we are also lesbians dating girls named matt and thomas, so its a bit weird for a pimp to own lesbians. Oh well. Good money I guess, jk

My dad's plant is getting shut down as part of all this Ford business. But it wont be closed for another 2 years and my dad has enough seniority to not lose his job and thus get one at the Sharonville plant. So a bit freaky, but its all ok.

I wish icould put in sweet hidden messages. Like somebody but i really do like my background. Oh well

ARGH i cant do them! I can think of anythign with a capital V....sigh i give up

Would you like something sweet put in here about you? :-p

The Error

i had a huge post that took me two hours to type. then i had a microsoft error....damn you bill gates. ah well...i'll gather some motivation again at some point tonight.

The Band Room

"I'm pretty much a huge dork, though most people can't tell by looking at me." Sam and I agree that that is the best quote ever. And we both wonder where his mirrors have gone. :-) jk....or am I? YOU DON'T KNOW!

(will I choose Rock? Paper? or Sissors? YOU DON'T KNOW!)

PEN MISSILE!

Anyway. I had hoped for a Snow Day, but its not like that would happen. Curse be upon the school! So I woke up pretty sick this morning and I came in early to get help on Maupin's test, but not early enough and it ended on my arrival, even though that was around 7:10. So I tried studying some during bonus and I felt really quezzy (sp?) during SSR and then threw up right afterwards. Woot! I slept for a while, then at first chance and after throwing up again, retired in here to the band room. I didn't eat lunch today. But I've had a lot of twizzlers and M&Ms. I don't think a full meal would make me feel better anyway. And I don't feel that bad right now, my throat just hurts some....

Hopefully I feel better for this weekend! ;-)

There are a lot of rumors going on about me. Mainly among those who either have never met me before, or those who don't have the right information.

The Dilemma

First of all I had to look up how to spell dilemma....then the definition made me realize that this word has nothing to do with what I wanted to post, but I like it anyway...

Second, this page took forever to load!

Boring Day, Long Day, Good Day, Relaxing Day, Another Good Day: the titles of xanga entries by my novio. Bit of a lack of creativity, lol. But then again here I am trying to start everything with "the".

Actually, just calling Matt my boyfriend has made me feel better, and thus helping elimminate some of the issues I was wanting to talk about on here. He's my boyfriend so therefore I get some of the exclusive rights, copyrights, and potential trademarks.

It's just hard not to see him at all. I mean, I'm doing ok with him being gone. There really isn't much we could do about that anyway. I just miss him, in spite of us talking everyday. It appears to be a stop and go thing. Not really stop, more of a pause. Start walking up a hill and rest every once in a while.

Since we were a fairly new couple, as in being around each other, not necessarily talking, before we had some distance thrown in, I'm afraid that everytime we see each other now, it will be like starting over from the beginning. I know it won't happen, and I won't let it happen, but still a thought. Plus, I'm shy enough as it is.

I dunno. :-P

They need to make a smiley that has the tongue sticking out, but no smile. Because sometimes I don't want to be happy when I stick my tongue out.

Yet again, I am hesitant. But I know a good dose of Matthew this weekend and next will make me feel better. It's too bad I have an interview on Saturday, Matt and I could've gone out and done something ;-)

I'm still debating about HC. I need to know asap for dress and hair preparations, but I just want to spend a lot of time with him while I have him here and going to the dance where none of my friends will be present isn't exactly what I had in mind. But, I'd still like to go with him, maybe arrive fashionably late or leave early and find something entertaining to do.

I am amazingly excited about everything and I hope Matt is too. I honestly don't know if he is as much as I am. That's the source of my hesitation anyway. *sigh*

I need a time machine. Or maybe something to pause time. Perhaps a combo. Get to what time I want and then spend as long as I want there.

Poor Kyle. He'll be bored to death, lol. Ah well.

One thought has been in my head for a while now. I doubt I'll act upon it, like many of my other thoughts I don't ever do anything about.

The Movie

I saw Brokeback Mountain today.

That is the best movie I have seen ever.

However I can't talk about it to anyone anyway because all my friends are so homophobic. And even if they say they aren't, then they believe that homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to marry. And since I think that they are full of crap for thinking that, I can't talk to them and tell them how wonderful this movie really is. It's so sad. I highly recommend this for anyone with an open mind.

I still love my friends, just not their views about some things.

I tried my first taco today. It was from Taco Bell. I can't tell you if it was good or bad because it just felt like I was eating an ooze out of a tastless shell and frozen cheese.

I don't know what to write about. I asked Matthew. He doesn't know what I should write about either. Therefore I have successfully created this paragraph about nothing. Nothing to write. Not at all. Nada. Zilch. Empty sentences with nothing to say. Nothing at all. Nope. I can't think of a thing to write about.

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love. It's the only thing that there's just too little of.

We started singing that at A-team and now I'll randomly hum it.

Nothing ever happens anymore. This is a long 3 day weekend. I'm tired and cold too.

It's actually 1:07 am and I hate it when a post shows up as the next day when really you're writing about the day before.

The Repeated

Now it just seems like I can't think of anything better to use "the" with...

I saw someone today do something to another person. I thought it was just something that me and that particular person did together. Like an inside joke. Apparently not. The funny thing is, the other person didn't like it when it happened....all 3 times lol

I was thinking about some other stuff and I wanted to repost something I wrote back in august 2004. It's a bit edited of course, seeing as it mentions some things that are out of date, such as particular guys and interactions with them.

Touch

...Once you've had someone, doesn't some part of you desperately seek to have them or just that feeling back? To know that someone is not afraid to hold you and be close to you; to make you happy? Sure commnication is key, but isn't it something about that touch? The holding of hands that makes you wish it didn't stop? What is it about someone you like brushing a lock of hair from your face? What is in a pat on the hand? What happens in a hug? Touch is the most thrilling of the senses. Why do we crave it so? Have you never been sad and wished with all your being that someone was there to hold you? ... Why does touch do this to people? Do people feel connected to another person for some brief moment? Am I hoping that in this touch there will be a tiny spark? Why do we crave touch? The first time I held hands with someone made me feel things indescribable. It was a strange happiness. When it was over, it was all I could think about. I wanted to feel that contact again. Why do we crave touch? Is it the knowledge of flesh touching flesh? Is it knowing that the only way that you can have this feeling is for someone else to do it? People never really think about touch. They miss it after it's gone. They don't realize how wonderful it is until they can't have it anymore. I wish someone would hold me and never let go. A hug that lasts forever. Surely guys must want something similar. Don't they want girls to cling to them and let them know that they like them for who they are and no one else matters? Doesn't everyone want that touch?


that's my excerpt. It makes you think. I'd like some responses to this por favor. If not as a comment on here, IM me please. I want to hear what the answer is.

The Saturday

I have this strong urge to start my posts with "the"

Today wasn't too bad. Woke up at 6:30 to go to the Turpin tournament for A-team. Very cold. Very tired. Varsity had a 3-4 record, but the best thing is that we beat Turpin. In our league game, they beat us in every match. Then at this tournament we beat them by 22 points in varsity, and I believe the JV team beat them by 3. WE CREAMED THEM! ahha sweet revenge.

So I come home, I've missed most of the OU game and ONN didn't show the floor show where Matthew was going to do a freaking sweet handstand. Ah well.

So I come on the compy and play Sudoku for a bit, realize that i'm falling asleep in the chair, so I curl up on the bed that's conveniently a foot away and take a nap.

Until Matt called and I talked to him for 2 hours.

It's awesome. We are two of the biggest geeks out there. We hit, Star Trek, Star Wars, costumes, role-playing, video games, etc. But the greatest thing was that we talked straight for two hours. It's been such a long week and it was nice to hear his voice again. 6 days and counting!

Varsity Girls had a game at Kings tonight. They are currently second in the state. I hope they cream Kings! Yay cream! Plus, it'd be really nice to have an away pep band game again.

My agenda for tonight? Be an insomniac. It's almost 8 so I'll probably post again soon.

The Dubya

Amen

The Sunset

Turns out Jon was at school today. I didn't see him even once. I heard his voice in the band room though. People said he was in a really good mood today. I'm glad that he's feeling better. Another sign that we were dragging each other down. I was in a good mood. He was in a good mood. Today was a good day.

I didn't get a part....oh well...I might try for crew. I'm not sure. I know certain people will rub in the fact that I didn't get a part, but then again, those people were in choir. I'm debating it.

Steviepoo got the lead roll! That's awesome! I can't wait to see him up there singing!!

Which is why I'm debating. I enjoy watching from the audience more than backstage. Ah well. I'll think about it.

I am so hungry right now.... My mom is getting Kali's pizza. I really liked it last time. Plus the desert pizza sounds good considering that I'll be waking up at 6:30 tomorrow for A-team. Ah well. I think I'll wear my OU homey hat. That way I don't have to worry about my hair...

I'm going shopping on Sunday...I forget for what exactly. I know I'm looking for flat shoes....oh yeah! For my OU interview. I have some nice boots, but they boost me up about 4 inches. Hmm...I think my pants are kinda long...so I'll have to wear those big boots....There is no way I am going to damage my suit!

SO YEAH.....7 days. I'm happy! Plus, this nice relaxing weekend...

At this point I was going to type something but knowing my luck, just because I typed it, I'd jynx myself and the world would end.....:)

The Exorcism

I took me forever but I figured out how to change the settings on this Mac so I could get on here again.

Jon wasn't at school today. I've been carrying around Nancy's game all day but I just can't face her right now. Jon always told me that I didn't understand. It's about time that he needs to understand me.

I missed a really good day yesterday. In English they came up with all the things for the essay. In Anatomy they sliced open the cat to see the digestive system. In Government, they talked all about religion. They said that Atheism is a religion.

So, is it possible to not have a religion? Because according to my class, not having it is the belief of not having it and so therefore it is. - plus + equals + apparently.

I didn't make the play.

I'll try for crew I suppose. A part of me is angry. Just because I couldn't get into a choir class at some point as inevitably led to me not getting a part. Those who haven't been on stage a day in their life got a part. But thats just how it is.

I guess I'm still a bit bitter...I feel alienated, like I'm not a part of anything. I didn't get anything big in the first play, but it was crunch week, so I had to go to play rather than A-team. And I didn't make A-team because of that. I think I actually got a lot of the alphabet tryout questions, but because I could only fill those out and not stay for the whole practice, I couldn't be a member. And now, here comes the musical, and I can't even justify not making A-team with it. It's like I have no proper place here anymore.

Which is why I want to get out of here as soon as possible. I'm ready to start fresh. Push the reset button.

I'm 10th in the class. In the spring, Mrs Lyke is going to have the top 10 seniors compete to give a speech at graduation. I have wanted to give a speech ever since freshman year. I have always wanted to give the past to present speech. And so, if I screw up once and no one else does....I'm screwed. Here is my motivation to get my grades as high as possible. And I have to defeat Maupin in this last stand. I'm not too worried about anatomy. But English may get tough and I'll have to kill a few people for government.

I can't wait until next weekend. It will be awesome. My mom (jokingly) said that we should take Nellie so Kyle will be entertained. 7 days and counting.

And now, it is Band time...woot...

Friday the 13th....I should watch the movie when I get home. It has a 90% naked Kevin Bacon...well....I might fastforward a bit :)

And the Physics students are arguing over the word submerged.

The End

I had a pretty bad night last night. I couldn't sleep. I was crying.

I'm too emotional for my own good anyway. I just take things so personally.

I couldn't go to school because of how I couldn't sleep. So I stayed home.

I didn't get a callback for drama, so I'll not be in this play....

My parents had a long talk with me. They said they couldnt watch me be so upset everynight any more. So they told me that Jon was not allowed to call this house anymore. My mom reminded me of all the times that Jon just left me crying over someting and then I ended up apologizing for it.

My mom also said I should tell Jon about Matt. So I did.

I was only allowed 3 minutes and I had to call Jon and tell him that us being friends was not going to work. Especially when every night one of us or both are crying. We're not ready to be friends. I told him that Matt had asked me out and I said yes. He hung up.

His cousin Nancy called right after wanting to talk to me. She's very defensive about him. Almost as defensive as I am about him. My mom wouldn't let me talk to her either. I hope Nancy knows that I hate to see Jon like this. But I'll probably suffer from her doing at some point tomorrow during school.

Jon called my cell phone and left a voice mail. I've never heard the F word so many times in my life. Nor have I been called so many bad things in my life. It's good he's mad. He has a right to be mad. I'd rather he be mad than crushed and crying.

He gets mad pretty easily at times and I was usually the one to feel all the anger. I guess taking it out on me is pretty easy. So I forgive him for all the name calling and the "f your whole f-ing family" stuff.

So it's the end I suppose. and at least I know he will be happier with me to blame for all of it.

And his whole family is supporting him right now. His grandma, his dad, nancy. All those people care so much about him, right now when I've apparently abandoned him. And so I feel better. Knowing that right now, so many people care about him. And one day he'll realize that.

I think this is good for him. A complete release from me.

Tomorrow is going to suck though....

Surrounded by tissues

So I've actually been doing pretty good. I get upset. I cry a little bit.

But I've made it.

And everything decided to hit me right now. I just can't handle it, even though I know I will somehow anyway. I just can't stop crying. Even as I type.

:)

You know how I just said I was hesitant and second guessing myself?


nevermind :)

Falling for Me

So yeah. I'm trying out for drama tomorrow. woot.

Five bucks that no one saw my cheap hidden message...

These were on my MySpace bulletin and since all of these are true for me, why not put them up?

13. When your on the phone with them late at night and they hang up...you miss them already when it was just two minutes ago
12. You read their texts over and over again...
11. You walk really slow when you're with them...
10. You feel shy whenever you're with them...
9. When you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster...
8. You smile when you hear their voice...
7. When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you... all you see is him/her...
6. You start listening to slow songs, while thinking of them...
5. They become ALL you think about...
4. You get high just from their scent...
3. You realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think about them...
2. You would do anything for them...
1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time.....

I actually love things like that, because the last one draws it all together and your mind goes..."awwww....its right!"

I also love surveys. I love answering them and giving them to other people to read. I honestly don't know why. I guess because if you are ever short on conversation, you can definitely find something in someone's answers.

I'm extremely hesitant. Because I still can't believe it and so I second guess myself, even when I have proof available for me to read.

Physics part duex

I think thats how you spell 2 in french...

People are taking a physics test right now....

I honestly can't remember why I wanted to post on here so bad...

I had to reconfigure all this stuff for the Internet Security to let me log on and that took me so long that I'm not sure what the purpose was anymore.

I was thinking about all my weekends again.

I'm pretty happy, actually. :)

I bet I could post secret messages on here...

...

However, I doubt I could succeed.

I don't have a plain background for hidden color coded letters, unlike SOME people.

Maybe I should change the background or something...I just really like all these dots. I had to match all my text colors to them. Painstaking process right there....

And so, I will not change the background...

The background is very pretty.

The guy who created the template must be proud....yeah

...

Woot! I think I'll go read "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" now.

Star Wars and other equally geeky things

So I decided to watch A New Hope. I wish I had seen it in theaters when I had the chance. I want to see the huge star destroyer come from overhead.

I love the fact that they use actual models.

My favorite part is Vader acting like a preppy girl. When Leia is first is first brought to him, she says "Lord Vader, only you could be so bold" and Vader puts his hands on his hips and juts his hip out. It's awesome.

Then I thought about how hot Luke is. He is. If he was real I would marry him.

You know, Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Bail kinda used him. They prevented him from making any opinions by placing him with a basically anti-empire family. So he had to not like the Empire. I'm not saying he would have liked it. I mean, Anakin was a pretty ok guy until he killed all the younglings (Not even the younglings survived!). But his family is hidden from him, when he turned to the Dark Side as a sacrifice for them. A stupid sacrifice, but still a sacrifice. Vader should've used that as a point. Obi-Wan stole Luke to force him to change the Republic. To kill his father. It's kinda sad.

And I was wondering about the relationship between Tarkin and Vader. As it is described (holding Vader's leash), Tarkin is obviously viewed to have more power. So, I guess Tarkin is more of the public man. He is Grand Moff after all. So he is in charge of all military forces. Vader is more of a background guy. People know what will happen when they make Tarkin mad. They are terrified what will happen if Vader gets a hold of them. People fear Vader because he is the unknown. He technically is in control of everything and everyone knows but at the same time, doesn't know. An order from Vader supercedes Tarkin any day.

My life itself seems to be pretty good :)

I am trying to live by weekends now, waiting for the OU trip. It should be awesome, and I'll get to see Matt and he shall tour Kyle and I about. I honestly cannot wait.

Plus I have my homecoming date, should I end up going to HC. So there's another good weekend.

And then I'll die while I wait 5 more weekends for another breakish and then 4 more till Spring Break.

Then...4 MORE UNTIL I GRADUATE! woot

So, all in all, I will be going insane while I wait for things to do.

And then I'll be bored from this Wednesday to Saturday night maybe....oy

I complain a lot.

And I just got down telling you how my life was good.

Cereal Conspiracy

Back in the good 'ol days, the kid opens the cereal box and finds a nice new shiny toy! A whistle, or a car, a ring....it was a good time in our history. However, now, even the small joys of plastic crap has been taken over by capitalism. Now, in order to get the uber cool prize, you have to send in so many proof of purchases as well as pay the shipping fee. Honestly, I would just say....hell no. And now, one of the 'prizes' is a small selection of crappy DVDs, the movies that went straight to release.

Where's the love?

I woke up at 1 today. I don't feel very good either. I have some Kathleen in my throat.

I have four new butt puffs

Honestly, I hate pep band.

Well, I hate it sometimes.

It has potential.

The cheerleaders threw about 50 butt puffs at us, so I grabbed four and stuck them in my butt.

A butt puff is one of those little pom poms in school colors with a plastic tab on the end. The tab then inserts into your back pocket. So therefore my butt was a mass of green and gold plastic.

I had a bad night.

I can't wait till homecoming. It should be a lot of fun. Sam and I are going to go all out. We'll look like weirdos :)

I really wanted a phone call, but it couldn't come. It happens.

Sexy Luke to make me feel better.... :)

Physics

Mr. Gray rocks. However, he never has anything for me to do. I thought I would do what all the other aides do and grade stuff and whatnot, but I just sit here in the back of the room, playing on the compy.

Physics is confusing. I asked Sam if I could copy her notes at the end of the year. I have to take physics in college.

What does velocity have to do with chromosomes?

I have band tonight, but I really don't want to go. However, I have to be the senior and be responsible or some crap like that. Plus, it seems that tonight should be a good game, and the guys next to me want Kyle's yoda mask to wear...

I want to see if Sam would want to go hit party city or something to pick up some green and gold stuff to wear to the HC game. I'd like to go all out for my last year.

I might post later tonight.

So I died and came back...big deal

I have a MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/blabamos

woot

OK, so I haven't really said anything, about band anyway for a year. No problem. I hated band this year, mainly because since I wasn't in a position, I got to hear all the complaints from seniors and directors, and I feel like I know the whole story and I know things I wish I didn't.

Our salvation may still lie in the Disney trip, but honestly, no one really likes the spring practices anyway, and there will be tons upset due to complications from taking the stupid concert band down with us. yes stupid. This is supposed to be a Marching Band trip. Not concert.

So all and all, band isn't that great of a topic for me.

This is a blog about band geeks.

I'm a band geek.

So it doesn't necessarily have to be about band and me, because band is already a part of me, therefore I can talk about whatever I want.

A Nerd is someone who is extremely smart in a lot of areas.
A Geek is someone who is extremely smart in one specific area. (Math, Band)
A Dork is someone who is not able to have social interactions with their peers.

Sammy wants me to get a Xanga. Why? I have this place. I like my blog. But then again, you can put pictures in your posts with Xanga, I have yet to figure out how on this. I know I downloaded something to help. I could always try to go HTML on this thing.... maybe maybe.

I honestly don't know HTML. I can do very simple font things and put pictures up. I had to pick this up from Jedi.Net, where I used to roleplay, but I don't anymore because 1) don't really know any of the new kids, 2)they are so strict with rules and stuff, and 3) i don't really have the time anymore.

Hence why I never posted in here.

I don't have the time.

I do right know since I didn't have any homework, I got home and slept until 8, and I'm wanting to talk to Matthew, but he's off at band and going to go hang out at a friends late, I think. Oh well.

On the matter of guys, I broke up with Jon. Don't ask why. I'm still not too happy. It's just something I needed to do. I had my reasons.

On something happier, Christmas break was beyond awesome. Movies, ice skating, bowling, parties. Too cool. Ask me about it.

Though I will say Kyle's New Year party was freaking awesome and I wish he could have more, but I'm not sure what about. I suggested New Month parties, or maybe Holiday parties, like a countdown to Valentine's Day....that would be interesting. Anyway, on Dec 31, I went bowling with Matt, which was a whole lot of fun until he got 4 strikes in the first game....jerk :) . I did better in the second game, but really only because I had a lot of advice. We watched Clerks, which was pretty funny, and it had a Caitlin, but it is awful what happened to her lol. Then Matt went home to cook, and I got ready. I ended up watching a bazillion pool games. I honestly like pool, I just hate to watch it, and I'm not good enough to want to play it. I watched some foosball though... Then we had the countdown and whatnot, and after, we played a few rounds of Halo 2, which I amazingly did pretty good. I was in the lead until Kyle got the energy sword, jerk. Plus I couldn't remember how to change grenades....I can stick it too! Then we played You Don't Know Jack and then Battle of the Sexes, which girls won, obviously. Those remaining were me, Matt, Kyle, Nellie, Sam, Kelsey, and Scotty. We watched a bit of Blues Brothers, then went outside and set off fireworks...This was at about 4 a.m.. That was fun, and we even got the bottlerockets to shoot underwater and explode. After an hour or so, we went back in and Kyle had drank so many Red Bulls, that he was twitching, and we watched I, Robot, which somehow I managed to stay awakeish through. It was over at about 7:30 am so those still awake fell alseep where we were sitting. It was very enjoyable, trying to fall asleep :) , but I won't tell you about that. All I can say is, I was happy and comfortable and if my sister hadn't been coming at 1 that day, I would have pretended I was asleep for a VERY long time to make it last.

This break was awesome. I got to know someone a lot better and I always had things to do. I wish I could have another one just like it.

On Jan 21, I'm off to OU for my HTC interview. We'll leave Friday after school and come back Sunday. It should be awesome, plus I'll be with Kyle and I'll get to see Matt after a little under 3 weeks.

I'm in a good mood.




I know how to post images!!!!! That's us at New Years....duh....My arm is the shiny silver one :)

My portion of a story

I didn't have anything to do in Gov, so I felt like writing.

It had been bothering her all day. He hadn't been there. So she sat in her chair trying to concentrate on how cold the room was. Earlier that day she had been running. It felt good to go out; get some air. It's been a long time since she'd been outside. To enjoy it. The trees were a nice change of scenery and it eased her stress. There was nothing quite like sprinting through the woods, weaving in and out through the trees, ducking under low branches and twigs, leaping over logs and frozen creeks. In the woods you feel totally along with only the wind and your feet breaking the silence. But that is how winter is anyway. The summer has crickets, bees, flies, birds. In the winter there is nothing. She once had laid under a tree in complete silence. It made her think. Running in the winter did the opposite for her. She wanted out. She was running to freedom. But she would always come back. It still worried her as she sat in that cold room, alone and in silence. It wasn't really worry, although her face showed different. It was concern, or whatever the emotion was that explained how something could completely occupy the mind. She needed a distraction. She checked the clock, tightened her coat, and left.

I'M STILL ALIVE!

HAHAH! This blog is not dead yet! Woot!

I dunno...I'm in journalism class and we don't really do much in here...

I don't think anyone reads this anymore anyway so blah....

IT'S MY SENIOR YEAR! YAYA!

I think I'll do some sort of a senior diary thingy.

I'm back again

So wow. What to say.

Jon and I are over 6 months even though now we're a bit edgy around each other. I'm not quite sure what it is. But I have guesses. He plays video games and I get mad because I feel like I'm ignored. So I basically got my feelings hurt really bad. Well now when he's playing a game I just don't really want to say anything on the phone. I want to say call me back when you're done, but then again, he'll just say he'll quit and then we have this sudden huge pressure to talk about something because if we don't talk right now and then we'll die. I think he kinda feels that pressure too. But I guess the overall point is that he plays games and gets distracted and I'm too paranoid to even attempt to say anything because maybe I'm subconciously afraid that I'll find he can talk to me and play at the same time. But it's my fault because I'm used to being center of attention and I want 100% of Jon all the time. And that's bad. But I guess the great thing about all of this is that I love him and I am absolutely crazy about him. And I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. And that's why everything will be ok.

Band is long over, the seniors are leaving. This is kinda like preband season. Mr. A has tons of band catalogs in his office. We all crowd around the magazines and laugh at the male flaggots. You know, the ones in tight neon spandex. With a big smile on their face. Kinda scary. And we saw post-its in there saying "possible 2006 uniform" and "2005 flags". The falg uniforms are ok, but they have black and white striped ties which is strange. The uniforms I don't like because they look like every other uniform out there. But hey, not my problem. They'll be here when I'm gone.

The rest of us Juniors are already talking about music and stuff. I dunno about next year though. Depending on who Mr Allen chooses for field commander will either make or break this band. I know who will do a good job. I've looked at peoples personalities. Only like 2 out of the 17 juniors will work.

Allright fine; you win

Yeah I know, I had to come back. But guess who i'll talk about!?!?! JON! so shutup and leave if you don't wanna hear.

Oh and Balinda wasn't the one who called him. His dad was on the net even though Jon told me he didn't have the internet so I think it was a "we have it but i can't use it" thingy. I can't really remember that week and then we had a game at home versus Ross. It had rained all week and the football people always complain that we screw up the field. Well sorry, I bet that's why we lose! Stupid band messes up the field. But I understand. If we were a walking band then there would be no damage, but if we are marking time, wow, there will be mud holes. Yeah so we did the drill minus the Tempo from Hell, which was nice, and then we did drive off, and played something and then Shake. I really like the dance because we get to do air-humping. The crowd LOVES that. So did Ross band. Lots of laughs. I dunno. yeah. A LOT of people showed up from Matt's bonfire, which consisted of us in his basement playing ping pong and watching School of Rock. Yeah and Jon hit me on the head about five times with a ping pong ball. Thanks. However he finally fixed one of his silly accidents. Oh and we won the game amazingly. No one thought we could do it.

I think the next day I picked up Jon from play practice and he came over for about 3 hours and then we took him to go with the drama peeps to see drama alumni in their college play. Then on Sunday I went to Olive Garden with his dad, stepmom and little sis Morgan for his birthday. I love Morgan. But man she kept beating me at thumb wars. She was cheating though.

No clue what happened last week. I believe I had more Academic Team tryouts. Other schools call it Quiz Team. That sounds really gay. But then again Academic Team isn't much better. However I made reserve which is a step up from last year where I was just a practicer and never competed in matches.

We played Goshen last friday. Upon entering the other band director came up to us and asked if we could be quiet because their band couldn't hear....uh huh. Yeah Mr. Allen didn't tell us to be quiet. It was a scoreless game for the first half and we didn't even go on the field. We hadn't practiced our drill that week and plus Goshen aparently had a competition the next day and we were giving them time to "practice". We paraded over played something I can't remember and did Shake. There was two Goshen cheerleaders in front of us and it was the funniest thing, having to watch their expressions. They liked the happy dance and the air-humping. Yeah and then in the 4th quarter we got a field goal, so 3-0 and then they get one much later as in we thought we'd need overtime so 3-3, and then in the last 20 seconds we got a field goal so 6-3 and we held out and won. You know it's nice when the buses park right next to each other so all us girls, the flutes and clarinets, who don't need the instrument bus, get to see the football people stripping. it's nice. Especially since you can't see their faces since they are basically all ugly. And then I did something really strange on the busride home but I won't tell you what it is since it's really weird. Speaking of weird, Jon is weird. I love this guy though, I can't stop laughing. Ha just thinking about him has made me hyper. I don't feel like talking about much else save for having to go through the whole weekend not seeing him once was hard. With Kyle it didn't bug me much. Now it's agony. Its different with Jon. And I'm glad.

Everbody: I am happy. Jon makes me so happy. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. I have no idea why Sam is mad at me, probably something Nichole told her, which doesn't make sense since I haven't said a word about her. But you never know. I just want to find Jon and just hug him and not ever let go because I'll feel safe. I'm happy everybody.

I always say I'm depressed. That doesn't mean I really am.

I have had such an awesome time with Jon so far.

Ok so, on the 30th of October, we had the whole Homecoming festivities and we paraded for a little while. Did a couple songs for the 10 people who actually watched. Headed back in. I stayed in the band room the whole time and stayed with Jon. It was a lot of fun and now I have a running joke about how much fun I had in the practice room. I even got Mr. Allen shocked when he came in the bandroom and I yelled at him for interrupting because I had only got Jon's hoodie off. Yeah, the look on his face was awesome. Hehe. I like surprising Mr. Allen that yes, my sense of humor has the ability to be exactly like his. That was an awesome time.

Friday I got my hair done because I was on Homecoming court. I had Jon tell me repeatedly how beautiful I was. I got to walk with Owen, and then Craig and Joel were 2 out of 4 of the senior guys so we had 4 band members on court this year. And Craig was Homecoming King and he wore his crown instead of his hat for pregame. So awesome. Yeah we lost the game and Wilmington's band did a show of Into the Storm, a song I played frosh year in concert band. We had the alumni come and so we did Ain't Been Good and Long Train. The tubas (meaning Jon and Weaver) got in trouble because they ran up in front of the band for the song because the alumni guy told them to do it. Yeah but we missed the last half of the game because we got on a bus and went down to Cincy to be on Channel 12 live. It was pretty cool. And Jon pulled the little "Well since we are going on a date we must be dating" thing. Oy. Btw, earlier that day Sam called me and said I had to take Carolyn from Applebee's to the HS and I said no since I was ona date with my boyfriend and she got ticked and hung up on me. I didn't really think another word about it until she started ignoring me and then Nichole said I was really selfish, which btw, I'm still ticked at her for saying, and so then I broke down and cried and found Jon and made a last minute change to go eat with Megan, Stephen, Owen, and Kelsey.

October 2: I wake up, get my hair done, go pick up Jon, and he gets me the most beautiful white roses, and we go to Applebee's and have a lot of fun, and then we go to the dance. Well, Jon's dancing is awesome. I keep telling him that but I don't think he believes me. It's just really really fun to watch. But he got hurt a few hundred times, but I had fun dancing with him, despite his mind wandering.

The next day I did nothing and I bet he called me but other then that I can't remember back that far.

I only remember things by Fridays, so last Friday, the 8th, was Jon's birthday. I got him a crappy CD case, and I got him cupcakes. We played Norwood and that was a fun game because I cheated and sat up at the top with low brass so I could see him. And then Mr. Allen was freaking annoying because he sat in the back of the bus so the whole way back I just hear "Caitlin...Caitlin...Caitlin...Caitlin...Caitlin...Caitlin..." and he won't stop until I get up and turn around in my seat. First time he just said "Caitlin, have a nice night" so I got back down and was comfortable and he started doing it again and so I got "Caitlin, have a really nice night", repeat torture "Caitlin, do you need any ChapStick?" Yeah I was going to throw something at him.

Saturday I dragged Jon to Kelsey's bonfire and we both didn't really know anybody very well there so we jumped to Saskia's bonfire (ahem, campfire with a 5 inch diameter) and then tons of people showed up so me and Jon went to the basement and read the Gnome book. I played softball Sunday and I only got through it all because I imagined talking to Jon when I got home, which I did and he got an iPod so he's obsessed with that. And we talked for 6 hours, 4 hours being straight until 2:30 a.m. It was so much fun.

Monday we had no school so I went to Nellie's with Jon and stayed with a whole bunch of Sophs. Yeah and I had hoped we'd go outside but we didn't. So I was with Jon all day but I really didn't see him. Yeah.

I saw him at school and it was fun and tomorrow I'm staying at school till 8 with him. But he had a call on the other line 3 hours ago and he said he'd call me back but he hasn't and I'm so afraid it's Balinda again. and it probably is. He says I shouldn't be worried, but I have a right to cry now.

Jonathan will most likely always be my subject

So like, he was at Nellie's installing a graphics card and so I talk to him and Nellie on AIM which proved to be a very interesting conversation. Basically, she's gonna kill him, I just said to wait until after Homecoming. Yeah, he didn't like that very much. Hehe.

So then he's back home and he calls me and we talk about various things and so therefore he put me in a good mood again. And now I've just realized that I hate everybody else, so I think I won't write in this for an extended amount of time.

I dunno

'Hio

Yeah that's Matt's away message. What a weirdo. I think he's feeling band-y or something. College peeps are weird.

So, I don't remember what happened today. Just that this is going to be the easiest band week in history. Yesterday practice was a breeze. Today in class we played for a little while but a lot of people were missing and then the seniors had to go to some meeting so Mrs. Smith said to just put up everything. Hayden has chickenpox so Mr. Allen wasn't here today. Oy. He misses so much. And so we had twenty minutes to kill and so I sorta helped Jon with his spanish, but not really. Then I went to AP during bonus and I brought the wrong packets so I had to write everything on a piece of paper. Then after school I stayed with Jon to watch play practice and later he tried to make me move up but I said no and he got really fustrated and just walked up there. So I left crying because 1) I'm an emotional wreck 2)I didn't want him to be mad at me cause I was only messing around. I just don't know when to stop with him. I dunno. I went to the bandroom and finished my Spanish and he came in to get a drink of water and said he'd call me again tonight. So I'm waiting for that.

I have so much negativity from other people concerning Jon that I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry. I want to go see him and just cry but I'm afraid he'll just give me a weird look and not even bother liking me anymore. I wish everyone would just leave me alone. Just don't even mention him because I'm not gonna like what you have to say anyway. Just shut up and leave me alone. I hate you all.

Spirit Week

Not so spiritful. I dunno, they really didn't spread the word around what the first day was. It was 80s day. Uh huh. Tomorrow is Country Day and I'm just wearing this button up shirt I have. I dunno.

School was uneventful.

Practice was AWESOME! WE DID NOTHING! HAHA! We ran through a couple songs and then went out and taught the frosh Funk. They did ok...Sorta. Not really, no.

I was pleased to find out that at Graham like everyband did Cherry, Four, and Funk but each oner did it different. But when Steph asked who does it like OU, he said we do and that the other ones are mutated. Because as a graduate assistant there, he snuck down into the basement and "stole" a lot of music. It's awesome. So like some of our songs we have done were taken directly from OU. Coolies.

So practice ended 15 minutes early, so I rushed to the auditorium to watch play practice and it was funny because I walked right in on Jon's "love scene" with Jackie. It was hilarious. There was this line that she fell in love with the back of his head and just got used to the front of it. I dunno, it reminded me of a running joke I had about the back of Matt's head. I dunno. So tomorrow I was going to tell him I like the back of his head but then...wow...

He called me. Coolies. I kinda figured he'd do it eventually. It was nice. Kyle, I had all my classes with and he had the internet so we could almost talk for hours straight. Jon I never see save for the walk to English and band. It's nice that I got to talk to him more. I dunno, I like talking to guys. I was slightly sad because I figured crap I have to wait until 3rd period to talk to this guy each day and we need more communication so it was awesome to hear his voice. Yeah. Whoo! I'm really happy right now. I feel good about everything. Except I really need to start doing my homework. This is such a bad habit. I mean I don't have anything else to do. I really am not dependent on getting on the comp anymore and I really don't watch TV and I don't want to play video games. I dunno. This is really bad.

I'm still happy though.

:-D

I'm in a really good mood now.

Please guys don't take it away from me like you all did last time I was in an awesome mood. But I really don't think you can. Yay!

HAHAHA

I dunno.

I need to reread Canterbury Tales.

So I can remeber it for tomorrow.

I think I'll do my homework this week.

I like Jon. Shove it.

Hm, I think I like him a lot. Hm.

Graham and their death

Matt's away message:
I wish I school drumlines could learn to watch the directors and not take their own tempo. WATCH JERKS

I'm afraid somebody is going to hurt him because he's not that big, but then again, when we mentally placed Matt versus Jeff and Jeff is about 2 feet taller than him, we thought that Matt would probably win. And Jeff is a really strong guy.

Graham was....well....Graham. I hate Graham. Honestly, they have no lives. It makes me so freaking mad that EVERY SINGLE SONG THEY PLAYED, OU PLAYED IT LAST YEAR and EVERY SINGLE DANCE, OU HAD ALREADY DONE. AHHHHHHH!!!

It makes me sick.

I hate them. Uggg. Die.

There really is nothing memorable about the festival. Just, when we did Ain't Been Good Graham had to go to the left, instead of making us go to the right. It was awesome. So they looked kinda bad and we looked...better. Jeezel, out of everything that they copy, the one thing, the ONLY thing they change is direction on that song. Oy. Stupid. And the poor freshman had no idea what we were doing. Oh well. Who cares...not me it's too freaking....uh early or late or whatever, it's 12:52 am.

Busride was fun because Owen was speaking spanish the whole freaking time to Ana, and we found out that when Owen said, "Es muy cool-o" it really meant something else. hehehe. And Jon and I discussed the economy of Wheaties. Don't ask.

So everything wasn't all that bad...yeah...Good Night. I am so tired cause I didn't sleep the whole freaking 3 hours it takes to get to Graham. We need more appreciation for our time.

YAY 12:58 IN THE MORNING! AHHH! However, I do like late nights with the band. Next friday night, at this time, I'll still be on a bus.

LM vs. Kings

Yeah, so we lost yesterday. 33-0. Not as bad as last year which was 44-0.

So, we had no school. Sam picked me up and then we got Nichole and had our "Nichole-Got-Better" Luncheon at Olive Garden. I got a simple pizza, and they got more interesting choices for food. I dunno. Italian stuff. Afterwards we headed down to a new outdoor mall and went to Claire's and got a flower for Sam's hair and the same for Nichole. I bought earrings, 4 pairs, and a Spider-Man lanyard. No, I'm not sure why. There is also this super cool scrapbook store where I am DEFINITELY going for the next Spanish scrapbook project. That store is cool. So then we dropped Nichole off and checked out her dress, which I like a lot, and now I have to find a necklace for. Sigh. It's hard.

Went home, ate nothing, then headed to school for the football game. It's weird and I've lost track of the days because we didn't have school. So today is saturday, not sunday. Oy. So the game was lovely we lost. But holy crap. Kings band. Ok, so they are about double our size, maybe triple. But, umm...we outnumbered them yesterday. They had like 45 people. I don't get it. What happened? I wanted to talk to them but I didn't see them for a long time and then next time I checked, they were loading up their...semi...yes, a semi. And then they left. Uh huh.

So...periodic table. If only everyone could have heard us and seen us laughing. OMG. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. OK, so first they just walked onto the field to their spots, and that had me worried because, I swear they usually march on, well walk in an organized manner on. Then the song, which I had trouble hearing, but then the big thing. Each flag is running around with a large ball on a stick. Well we are standing there freaking out because we are laughing so hard and then they start to assemble it so I start going "They're bonding! They're bonding!" which everyone on my side started cracking up to. Holy crap. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. And we started telling bad periodic table jokes, which Sam and I had already prepared on thursday such as:

What did the Chlorine say to Sodium?
You're my valence electron/I want to bond with you/etc

And then we had Kyle's:
Did you hear about that Chlorine attacking a Sodium?
No.
Yeah, he was arrested for assault.

Ah good times good times.

The during the fourth qtr we did Hat parade for a long time, which was awesome.

And then at some point, the cheerleaders did their little dance so Mr. Allen started break dancing and Craig went down and they started....crumping? I think it's called. And then Craig pointed to Mr. Allen and he did this weird wave thing and pointed to Craig, who got on the ground and like stood on his head sorta like he was doing weird break dancing moves. It was so funny and when Craig did his move Mr Allen put a fist on his mouth and was like "oo that was sic". Yeah the seniors watched You Got Served for dance moves.

Bonfire was fun. Got to hang out with Jon the whole time which was awesome. Despite Weaver being with us the whole freaking time.

So yeah got home about 12, fell asleep about 1:30, had to wake up at 6:30 to get my hair cut. Honestly, who gets their hair cut at that hour. Then came home and went back to sleep. Now I have to be at school in an hour to go to Graham.

littleamishdiva : yay graham!
Cammy1115 : lol yay!
littleamishdiva : wait, you hate graham dont you?
Cammy1115 : yes i hope they die. i'm going yay for "yay band festival"

Die Graham Die

haha poor Matt had OU band day today so his away message is:
Yeah Band Day Practice. We get to play with 1000 High schoolers. :-
haha. I think I enjoy reading his away messages more than I like talking to him, hahaha.